A few Random Items With One Common Theme

The Importance of Bedside Manner

 Thank God, I had several brisses this week, and along with them had a few unique experiences, beyond dealing directly with the parents and the baby - which is of course run-of-the-mill (though always a different dynamic).

1. First Story

At one bris, a couple who had their son circumcised a few months ago on a Shabbos (with a different mohel) asked me about something the mohel had done on Friday. He used a Probe to separate the foreskin from the glans, somewhere between 16-20 hours before the bris. They wanted to know if this is normal. (a few things emerge from this: a. it is (in my opinion) unnecessarily uncomfortable to the baby, b. it causes swelling, c. it might cause the baby to bleed)

While there may be different feelings about this, I'll tell you how I answered.

Post October 7

 Since that Holocaust-like day, when over 1200 Jews were slaughtered in a single day, there has been a sense that every Jew born since that day should serve as a replacement for someone whose life was snuffed out.

Until now, all the babies born were conceived before that fateful day, but soon the babies born will have been conceived after that time. 

Some of the names I have been introduced to in these new babies clearly were chosen to reflect the situation - one baby was named Ami Yisrael - and others have been named in a manner that suggests a deep connection to the experience of the Jewish people. 

It is always a privilege to be the mohel, and even moreso to see how deeply Jewish people living in Florida identify with Jews across the globe. 

Earlier on, everyone wanted to do something to acknowledge the plight of the hostages and to memorialize the dead. Sadly, much of that hasn't continued (most likely because being a distance away prevents us from seeing it as part of our life every day), even though we are still aware of many hostages being held and the reality of war which brings a continued rising count of fallen soldiers.

May we see better times soon. And may we all merit to perpetuate the memory of those lost as the Jewish people emerge from this challenging time with a more secure future outlined in the land. 

The יהי רצוןs that follow Torah Reading when Tachanun is Cancelled for a Bris or a Baal Bris

 Being a mohel and also a rabbi of a shul, it happens often enough that I am able to daven in shul in the morning when I have a bris later in the day. I’ve written about this here: http://www.mohelinsouthflorida.com/2016/01/no-tachanun-so-called-perk-of-being.html

On Mondays and Thursdays, this presents us with a dilemma. While “everyone knows” that the presence of a Baal Bris cancels Tachanun, (see the last 4 paragraphs in the link to the left/above line), many also know that the יהי רצוןs recited as the Torah is being rolled up on Mondays and Thursday are also connected to the saying of Tachanun. The general rule is “when we don’t say Tachanun, we don’t say the יהי רצוןs” (See the Levush on Orach Chaim 429:2, and Ateres Zekenim also 429:2).

For many years now, whenever this circumstance happens – there is a mohel present (me) who has a Bris later in the day, but the Bris is not taking place here – I have announced “If the DAY cancels Tachanun, then the DAY cancels the יהי רצון. If an EVENT cancels Tachanun, then we still say the יהי רצוןs.”

Over the years I have gotten minimal backlash over this pronouncement, but a few people have asked me for the “Lomdus” behind it. I will admit there isn’t great “Lomdus” behind it, but as I feel there is merit to the argument, and a reasonable svara (thought process behind it), I now present it all here.

Abudirham (or Abudraham) on Cleanliness

In the Shulchan Arukh, there is a description of a Bris ceremony that includes the recitation of the blessing that follows the circumcision (the Mohel's blessing is right before the incision, and the father's blessing is at the moment of the incision), and the Rama adds an insight from Abudirham.

שולחן ערוך יורה דעה הלכות מילה סימן רסה

ואומר: בא"י אלהינו מלך העולם אשר קדש <ה> ידיד (ד) מבטן וכו'. ו ט] ונוהגין שכשמגיע י] לבדמיך חיי, נותן מהיין באצבעו <ו> בפי התינוק. (וכשהמוהל מברך ברכה זו, רוחץ תחלה ידיו ופיו, כדי שיברך בנקיות) (אבודרהם). 

When the Mohel recites that blessing, he should first wash his hands and mouth in order to recite a blessing in cleanliness.

This assumes that the mohel practices in a manner that does not utilize this hygiene enhancing medical supply item and this hygiene enhancing device.

Those of us who use them never have a concern as our hands and mouths are clean.

Purim and a Bris

 Purim is a little over a week away.

Click here for a brief summary of what might be different on Purim.

An interesting question can be raised regarding a Purim Bris. 

Since the Bris is a mitzvah which is typically accompanied by its own Seudas Mitzvah, AND there is a Rabbinic Mitzvah to have a special meal on Purim, can the meals be combined? Do there need to be 2 separate meals?

In a simple sense, the halakha recommends that the Purim Seudah be in the afternoon, presumably so that all the other obligations of the day are over - one has already given Matanos L'Evyonim, one has delivered Mishloach Manos, one has heard the Megillah... now a person can relax, drink a little extra (slightly more than usual), and if necessary fall asleep. However, the Seudah MAY take place in the morning, if that is one's preference.

A bris celebration often takes place in the morning, due to the attempt to fulfill the concept of זריזין מקדימין למצוות - those who are punctilious rush to do mitzvos as early as possible. 

While I am sure it happens all the time, I only recall one time that I had a bris on Purim. The family chose to have the bris in the afternoon, at Mincha, and invited their guests to a co-Purim-and-Bris celebratory meal.

Could they have had a normal bris meal and later had Purim Seudah with their normal "family crowd?"

Absolutely. While one is only obligated to have one Purim Seudah, it does not mean someone is not allowed to have two celebratory meals on Purim day. 

Mazal tov! Enjoy! And it is wonderful to have added Simcha!!!

Appreciation

It's hard to explain how much of a privilege it is to serve as a Mohel.

For most Jews, there is no question about whether we will circumcise our child. The questions are usually more along the line of where and what time, as the date is usually chosen based on the baby's arrival... on the 8th day of his life (unless there is a medical reason to delay).

The other question, for the non-mohel-father (the mohel father will circumcise his own son) is "who will we have to help us fulfill this mitzvah?" While none of these are guarantees of the direction parents will go, most people who have a relative who is a mohel will typically go to that relative. People who have a friend who is a mohel might go that route as well. Sometimes a set of grandparents will be fond of a particular mohel and they'll do the hiring (and often carrying the financial load) for all of their grandsons. 

Some communities have a mohel who has a monopoly on the community (so to speak), and "everyone uses him." In those cases, the question is never "who will help us...?" but rather "is he available?"

Some people don't live in that one-mohel-for-all kind of community, and will therefore ask their friends things like, "Who was your mohel? Were you happy with the experience?" That will often go the longest way in helping people decide what is best for them and their baby.

And thus it is an absolute privilege to be considered for this important role - at a vulnerable time in your family's story, for an intimate insider's view into your family's dynamic, to play a special role in your fulfillment of this special mitzvah.

Many people tell me afterwards how much they appreciated the role I played, whether the bris was a more explanatory one, or more of a straightforward ceremony type. I try to match the "service provided" with the read on the family that I get, and thankfully, for the most part, it's usually an excellent match, me with each unique family.

All I'm saying is "As much as you appreciate it, I appreciate the trust and the opportunity to help and guide your family through this mitzvah, while giving your son the best care I can, and hopefully producing the best results I can."

As always, thank you for your entrusting your son to my care.

I know that when all is over, he will be fine and in the right hands... YOUR hands... and this day will not even be a memory for him. 

Hopefully for you, you'll remember the results more than the process, and will look back at the bris as a memorable and special day in all of your lives. 

Naming the Baby Before the Bris? A Mi Sheberach for naming...

This question comes up every now and then - can the baby be named before the Bris?

The answer is YES, but the circumstances for why you'd want to do that are far less than ideal.

Before I get into this here, just to note that this is a popular question in Israeli websites:

Din.org

https://www.yeshiva.org.il/ask/18311

https://www.medethics.org.il/article/r0041236a/

https://www.hidush.co.il/hidush.asp?id=10895

https://ask-dh.org/2021/07/21/14892/f

I've addressed it before in two places: 

Here: http://www.mohelinsouthflorida.com/2015/06/when-there-is-no-bris.html

And here: http://www.mohelinsouthflorida.com/2019/12/naming-baby-when-his-bris-is-to-be.html

The main goal here is put on the Internet a suitable Mi Sheberach for this situation in which the child is named and a prayer is offered that his Bris should take place at the right time for him (which may be after a tragic illness, or may be when he has a corrective surgery for an anatomical abnormality that developed in utero, for which six months need to pass until he can safely undergo general anesthesia and have that important procedure). So here it is: (First I embedded the text in the blog, then I put an image that it may be easier to download and print)

ליולדת זכר וקריאת השם:

מִי שֶׁבֵּרַךְ אֲבוֹתֵינוּ אַבְרָהָם יִצְחָק וְיַעֲקֹב משֶׁה וְאַהֲרֹן דָּוִד וּשְׁלֹמֹה הוּא יְבָרֵךְ אֶת הָאִשָּׁה הַיּוֹלֶדֶת (פב"פ) וְאֶת בְּנָהּ הַנּוֹלָד לָהּ בְּמַזָּל טוֹב, וְיִקָּרֵא שְׁמוֹ בְּיִשְׂרָאֵל (פב"פ), בַּעֲבוּר שֶׁבַּעְלָהּ יִתֵּן לִצְדָקָה בַּעֲדָהּ, בִּשְׂכַר זֶה יִזְכּוּ אָבִיו וְאִמוֹ לְגַדְּלוֹ לְתוֹרָה וּלְחֻפָּה וּלְמַעֲשִׂים טוֹבִים וּלְהַכְנִיסוֹ בִּבְרִיתוֹ שֶׁל אַבְרָהָם אָבִינוּ בְּעִתּוֹ וּבִזְמַנּוֹ הַנָכוֹן לוֹ. וְנֹאמַר אָמֵן: