O the Irony!

A Hebrew Name for Brooks

Last Sunday I presided over the bris of a baby who had been given the English name Brooks. His parents asked me if I have any recommendations for a Hebrew name, as they noted that one of the baby's grandfather's has the name Baruch.

I immediately thought of one of the great heroes of the Bible, who is actually mentioned in the Haftorah read the Shabbat of the bris - Barak ben Avinoam - ברק! (Judges, Chapters 4-5) I was not yet aware of the family's political leanings, and I told his mother that the name has been around a lot longer than it has been made famous by the current president.

The baby's mother said to me, "O dear God no. My father hates Obama, and that just won't be possible."

So they named him "Berel." Which is ironic, all things considered, because the President was known as Barry for most of his US formative years. Barry, of course, is a very common English diminutive for Berel.

I have met many Israeli "Barak"s – never been unimpressed. One of the great characters in Leon Uris' "Exodus" was named Barak. It's a great name.

Unless you don't like the President. O well.

The Rabbi With the Great Line

On Friday, I was privileged to work with my second set of twins of the week. The difference was that Friday's twins (as opposed to Sunday's) were a boy and a girl. Which means that while the bris took place, the sister was sleeping in her crib.

Anyway, the bris took place at home, where the living room was adorned with signs that say "It's a Boy!" and "It's a Girl!"

The bris spot (meaning where the chairs were set up) happened to be under the pink sign, and before he recited the blessings over the bris, the rabbi of the community remarked, "This is the first time I have ever done this under an 'It's a Girl!' sign."

Thank God for that!

[Photo below is not from the bris in question - I found it online and doctored it for the effect.]

We'll Call Him... (A Tale)

This is a humorous tale about a bris that I heard second-hand from a friend many years ago (please note that it does sound a lot better when I tell it). On account of this week's Torah portion being Pinchas, my brother reminded me how much he liked the tale. Inspired, I share it here.

The rabbi/mohel was hired to do the bris for a non-observant family. Apparently, he neglected to discuss the baby's Hebrew name - which is always given at the bris, unless the bris is delayed a significant length of time such as for medical reasons.

It is the moment of truth. They are up to the paragraph in which the baby's Hebrew name is announced, and the mohel turns to the parents and says, "What name have you chosen for your son?"

They mention his English name. "Very nice. But what Hebrew name are you giving him?"

They hadn't discussed it. So they have a very quick conference. And they come back with "Esau."

Anybody hear crickets? Esau - עשו - or Eisav (in the traditional pronunciation), the traditionally villainous brother of Jacob.

The mohel hesitates. And then a voice comes from the balcony in the synagogue. "No. No. Pinchas."

The mohel pauses - a voice of reason! The parents say, "Don't listen to her."

Mohel: Who is she?
Parents: She's the baby's great grandmother.  [Apparently the family's only connection to the old country and traditional Judaism]
Mohel: Who is Pinchas?
Parents: It doesn't matter. Just give him the name we gave you.
Great-G: Pinchas Pinchas.

The mohel, in a bind between giving the baby a name that just doesn't smell right (he'll be called to the Torah at his bar mitzvah with this name, and it will be written on any legal Jewish document he ever has his name on) and a sensible Biblical name being presented by a woman who is definitely not the baby's mother, comes up with the plan to save face and bring our tale to its dramatic conclusion.

In a voice booming with authority he asks, "Alright. Who is paying for the bris?"

The parents sheepishly pointed at Great Grandma: "She is."

Mohel: And let his name be PINCHAS.

Nissan - When one Perk is Irrelevant

Every day at shacharis someone will ask me "Are you working today?" meaning, "Do you have a bris?"

The reason they are asking is because when a mohel is present in shul on a day when he is performing a bris, since it is considered to be a Yom Tov/holiday for him, the "tachanun" prayer is omitted in celebration of the special occasion. After all, who needs to beseech God with supplications when such good news is taking place? [That's not exactly the thought process, but it's a start.]

Anyway, the custom is for the entire Jewish community to omit Tachanun during all of the Hebrew month of Nissan on account of the fact that 20 days of the month (Biblically speaking) have a special event attached to them. The rabbis taught, once more than half the month is free from tachanun, we'll just apply the celebrations to the entire month..

During Nissan, bris or no bris, I am reminded "we don't need you."

I got it.

A Good Line

In the moment before the baby's father places the baby on the sandak's lap, it is my job to remind the father that the mitzvah to do the bris is actually his mitzvah, and that he is merely appointing me to serve as his "shaliach" (messenger or agent, in Hebrew) to do the bris on his behalf.  The formula is more or less "I, John Doe, appoint you, Avi Billet, to do the bris on my son."

As a mohel, I am trained to do this. As a person not trained to circumcise, the father usually complies and appoints me to do the bris. Occasionally, the father will ask me to set everything up so he can do the incision. This is the ideal way for an untrained person to do the bris, so I try to accommodate when I think it will work out fine.

Anyway, at today's bris - where the father is a friend of mine from way back - I said to him, "I am reminding you that the mitzvah of the bris is your mitzvah. So you have to appoint me to be your shaliach to fulfill the mitzvah."

He said, "I do."

"I didn't ask if you want to marry me," I responded. "Just appoint me to serve as your agent to help you fulfill the mitzvah." 

Then we walked through the formula as above. It was a great setup and comeback, and the people close by enjoyed our bantering.

May we have many opportunities to laugh together. 

Remembering Our Roles

I tell this story to a lot of grandparents that I meet at brisses.

At a recent bris, in which I knew one set of grandparents (mother's family) very well for a long time (they have other grandchildren as well) but did not know the grandparents who became "first-timers" with the arrival of this baby, my first encounter with first-time Grandma went as follows.

I was in the private room preparing the baby, when the baby's father's mother walked in.

She promptly announced: "I am the mother-in-law."

To which I said, "You mean you are the grandmother."

And she said, "Me? I'm not the grandmother!" Then she thought about it a second and said, "O Right! I AM the grandmother! I guess I better get used to that."

Don't worry. You will!

Mazal Tov!

When the Baby is a Girl (on a lighter note)

Before a baby is born, there is a fifty-fifty chance that I could be considered as the mohel. My standard line, when people ask me if I'll travel to circumcise their child, is "Only if it's a boy. I don't touch the girls."

I have had many friends call to APOLOGIZE (I kid you not) when their daughter was born. "Sorry we can't give you the business," they say. "I tried to get my wife to have a boy... But what can we do? She didn't listen to me!"

While I think the apologies are unnecessary - I, for one, am very happy for them. I am glad they have a healthy baby. And, of course, God knows (as do we all) that we need girls too. So I won't have a bris. Believe me - when it's a girl, it doesn't bother me.

But I think this week I received the funniest "apology" of all time. A father of a newborn baby girl dropped off a challah roll that his family had on their table for shabbos, with a note saying "Dear Rabbi, THIS is the only bris I can give you. Cheers!"

Funny story? You decide...

Part I

At a bris of a family I knew well, I knew one set of the baby's grandparents, who lived in my community, but not the other set of grandparents. When I met the mother-of-the-baby's father for the first time and figured out who he was in relation to the baby, I made the mistake of saying to him, "O! You must be the other grandfather."

I meant no harm - simply that I knew one grandfather already, and since the baby has another one, I've now identified him.

In a half-joking but half-extremely-serious tone he said to me, "The other grandfather? I am not the other grandfather! I am the baby's grandfather. There are two grandfathers. Neither one is the other."

At least he was fair to his mechutan (is there a word in English for your kid's in-laws?).

Even though I meant no harm, I learned my lesson. Now I tell the story of how I learned not to call any grandfather the "other grandfather."

Part II

At a different bris, the family kept on calling up "the baby's grandfather" to participate in the ceremony - except that there were four of them! Grandfathers, I mean.

Finally, when the last grandfather was called up to serve as the sandak, who holds the baby during the bris, as I was positioning the baby on his lap, I told him the story (Part I).

I said, "I once made a mistake, so I never call any grandfather 'the other' anymore."

Without missing a beat, he said, "Well there were a lot of mistakes made here. And that is why there are four grandfathers."

Bris Humor

Here is a quote from Rabbi Joseph Telushkin's "Jewish Wisdom," p. 141 (William Morrow, 1994)

“My friend Rabbi Jack Riemer of Miami likewise expresses great exasperation at the obscene jokes that frequently are told by people attending a circumcision. Turning the sacred ceremony through which a male Jewish baby enters the covenant into a source for ribald humor demonstrates how obscenity can desecrate the sense of the sacred. For if entering the covenant is turned into a source of jokes, then the covenant itself eventually will be treated as a joke.”

The sentiment is so true. (I only disagree in that I believe the boy enters the covenant when he emerges from his Jewish mother, as does a baby girl who will never be circumcised, when she emerges from her Jewish mother. The boy bears the mark of the covenant, the sign of the bris (אות ברית) at his circumcision.)

The covenant is critical to the definition of the Jewish people. If we disregard or make light of it, it will become meaningless.

At just about every bris at least one person will approach me to see if I've "ever heard this one." One of my colleagues likes to say, "I have respect for that joke, because it's older than you and me combined."

It is a rare occasion when someone tells a joke related to bris that I have not heard.

It is even more rare if the joke I am told is appropriate and worthy of being repeated.

Let us save our inappropriate humor for a night on the town, and minimally preserve our dignity when we have the chance to show the utmost respect for our tradition and heritage.

Why not?

A Source for Metzitzah?

Traditionally, the bris has three components: Milah, Priah, Metzitzah.

Milah is the removal of the foreskin, also known as the prepuce, which is the outer layer of skin covering the glans - until the outer edge of the corona.

Priah is the removal of the mucous membrane which is directly under the foreskin, which also serves as a coating for the glans.

Metzitzah is the drawing of blood "from distant places."

Of the three, metzitzah is the most controversial nowadays, on a number of levels.

#1: What is it's purpose? For medical reasons, or as part of the oral tradition?

#2: Is it necessary in either case?

#3: How is it to be done?

#4: Who should do it?

There are those who do not do metzitzah at all, there are those who only do not do it on Shabbos or Yom Tov but do it on weekdays, there are those who do it at every bris.

Of those who do it, there are ultimately two approaches: A. putting the mouth directly on the wound (commonly known as "metzitzah b'feh" (MBP in blogosphere)), and B. using a tube to draw out the blood with the power of the mouth, but without any direct oral contact from mohel to baby.

I wrote on article on the subject of sterility in a bris which addresses this subject.

But for those who advocate the MBP (direct oral contact approach), I think I found a source for you. (And yes, this is tongue in cheek)

On the verse Devarim 30:19, the Sifsei Kohen (Shakh) writes [referring to 30:6]:

ו) וּמָל יְקֹוָק אֱלֹקֶיךָ אֶת לְבָבְךָ וְאֶת לְבַב זַרְעֶךָ לְאַהֲבָה אֶת יְקֹוָק אֱלֹקֶיךָ בְּכָל לְבָבְךָ וּבְכָל נַפְשְׁךָ לְמַעַן חַיֶּיךָ

God will remove [lit. circumcise] the barriers from your hearts and from the hearts of your descendants, so that you will love God your Lord with all your heart and soul. Thus will you survive.

[THAT WAS THE VERSE - HERE IS THE SHAKH:]

ומל ה', בא"ת ב"ש, פיך, לומר שעיקר המילה הפה, שישמור פיו מלדבר בו נבלה ומלאכול מאכלות אסורות, אז ומל ה' את לבבך ואת לבב זרעך, כפי המאכל כן יהיה הזרע זך, מילה בגימטריא פה

God will circumcise: The word ומל (and He circumcises), using At Ba'sh, transforms to פיך (your mouth), to say that the main component of Milah [in this case, metaphorical circumcision of the heart] is done with the mouth, namely that one should guard one's mouth from speaking dirty talk and from eating prohibited foods. Only then will God circumcise your heart and the heart of your descendants (removethe barriers to penetrate a return to Him). As per the [pure] food, so too will your children be pure. Milah [מילה = 40+10+30+5] has the same numerical value as Peh [80+5 = פה].

I am sure some will take this to mean that milah must be done with the mouth.

Oy vey.