The explanations for these roles and who gets them can primarily be found here, and in the latter half of this post.
Some of them have further explanations elsewhere in the blog: kvatter, Elijah's chair , etc.
THE LIST
* items marked with an asterisk are most commonly done,
- items marked with a dash and in parentheses are possibilities, but not necessary
* Kvatter - male and female who bring baby in to the room (transfer baby from Mom to Dad)
* Kisei Eliyahu/Elijah's Chair - places the baby on a specially designated chair
(- Min Hakisei (from the chair) - gives baby to his father)
* Sandak - holds the baby during the bris
(- Min Hasandak (very uncommon to have this) - takes baby off lap of sandak to give to...)
* Amidah L'brachos (Sometimes called the standing sandak) - holds the baby after the circumcision, for blessings (and naming - next honor)
(- Amidah for Krias Hashem - an additional honoree who takes the baby after two blessings and holds him while he is given his name)
* Brachos - the person who recites the blessings (in a mildly-traditional crowd, the rabbi or mohel will usually do this), and either does or does not name the baby (next honor)
(- krias hashem - the one who first announces the baby's up-until-now secret Hebrew name. Sometimes the person who says the blessings will also name the baby)
(- birkat hamazon - the one who leads the grace after the meals, particularly and ideally in the presence of a minyan of men.)
If you are not sure how to include everyone you need to include, let me know. We can always squeeze another one in. avbillet@gmail.com
Showing posts with label kvatter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kvatter. Show all posts
Monday, May 24, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Getting Family and Friends Involved
In addition to the excitement and joy which comes with the birth of every child, friends and family gather to celebrate the continuation of our People, and our relationship with God that is symbolized by the bris.
For most people, especially those with a very close family, it is essential that family members participate in the ceremony. This is ideal.
Thankfully, the ceremony has many roles that need to be filled. But first, a word about protocol.
Men and Women
When it comes to public ceremonies, Jewish tradition has a thought about what is considered proper and improper, modest and immodest. These issues are subjects of a much larger discussion which I may write about elsewhere.
In a nutshell, to help keep modesty in check, Jewish law established separation of sexes in public ceremonies. As such, while a man may stand next to his wife (and vice versa), it is considered immodest for a man to stand with someone else's wife lest others perceive something, get the wrong idea and perhaps start gossiping.
Where the bris ceremony takes place, such as a home or a synagogue, would determine the proper protocol for the setting - is it, in essence, a private or a public ceremony? This would also determine the degree of participation of both sexes.
The Roles to be Played
In this segment, I will lay out the roles, briefly explain them, and make suggestions as to who should/can play the role and in what context it is inappropriate. Participants in the ceremony should all be Jewish. In the event the father is not Jewish, there are times when he can hold his son during the ceremony as well.
Kvatter - This couple (man and woman) bring the baby to the bris room, the wife taking the baby from his mother, handing him to her kvatter husband, who brings the baby to his father.
This is a male/female tag team. They are either a married couple, or a father/daughter or mother/son team (some might allow sister/brother)
Kisei Eliyahu (Elijah's Chair) - A person puts the baby on a chair designated for Elijah the Prophet.
In a synagogue it is usually a male, often the baby's uncle or great uncle, or some other relative or friend. At home, it can be the same, or baby's aunt, etc.
Sandak - Holds the baby on his lap during the bris.
Synagogue or home - the sandak must be male. First dibs go to baby's grandfather or great-grandfather. If grandfathers have been used at brisses of your older sons, some people include rabbis or dear friends, as the custom in Ashkenazic families is to not repeat sandaks among siblings.
Brachot/Blessings - Two blessings are recited to sanctify the moment and give special significance to the day.
The male reciting the blessings should read Hebrew fluently, understand their meaning, and should be a committed Jew. The default figures for these blessings are the mohel or the rabbi.
Naming the baby - This is a paragraph in Hebrew that officially invokes the baby's Hebrew name.
It is often recited by the same person who is honored to say the blessings (previous). It may be recited by anyone, but as it is a long paragraph in Hebrew, the person should be able to read Hebrew well.
EVERYONE in the room responds with declarations praising God and wishing well - blessings and all - upon the baby. When the crowd is unfamiliar with these Hebrew statements, I generally recite them word by word so all can repeat them together in unison.
Holding the baby for blessings and/or naming (previous two entries) - The person who plays this (these) role(s), should be significant to your family. Imagine this person having a relationship with you and your baby for a long time.
If one grandfather sat as sandak, consider having the baby's second grandfather hold him for the naming - this role is sometimes called the "Standing Sandak." Otherwise, in a synagogue a male will often play this role, while at home, it might be either of the baby's parents or grandparents. Sometimes two people will hold the baby together - both grandmothers, for example.
For most people, especially those with a very close family, it is essential that family members participate in the ceremony. This is ideal.
Thankfully, the ceremony has many roles that need to be filled. But first, a word about protocol.
Men and Women
When it comes to public ceremonies, Jewish tradition has a thought about what is considered proper and improper, modest and immodest. These issues are subjects of a much larger discussion which I may write about elsewhere.
In a nutshell, to help keep modesty in check, Jewish law established separation of sexes in public ceremonies. As such, while a man may stand next to his wife (and vice versa), it is considered immodest for a man to stand with someone else's wife lest others perceive something, get the wrong idea and perhaps start gossiping.
Where the bris ceremony takes place, such as a home or a synagogue, would determine the proper protocol for the setting - is it, in essence, a private or a public ceremony? This would also determine the degree of participation of both sexes.
The Roles to be Played
In this segment, I will lay out the roles, briefly explain them, and make suggestions as to who should/can play the role and in what context it is inappropriate. Participants in the ceremony should all be Jewish. In the event the father is not Jewish, there are times when he can hold his son during the ceremony as well.
Kvatter - This couple (man and woman) bring the baby to the bris room, the wife taking the baby from his mother, handing him to her kvatter husband, who brings the baby to his father.
This is a male/female tag team. They are either a married couple, or a father/daughter or mother/son team (some might allow sister/brother)
Kisei Eliyahu (Elijah's Chair) - A person puts the baby on a chair designated for Elijah the Prophet.
In a synagogue it is usually a male, often the baby's uncle or great uncle, or some other relative or friend. At home, it can be the same, or baby's aunt, etc.
Sandak - Holds the baby on his lap during the bris.
Synagogue or home - the sandak must be male. First dibs go to baby's grandfather or great-grandfather. If grandfathers have been used at brisses of your older sons, some people include rabbis or dear friends, as the custom in Ashkenazic families is to not repeat sandaks among siblings.
Brachot/Blessings - Two blessings are recited to sanctify the moment and give special significance to the day.
The male reciting the blessings should read Hebrew fluently, understand their meaning, and should be a committed Jew. The default figures for these blessings are the mohel or the rabbi.
Naming the baby - This is a paragraph in Hebrew that officially invokes the baby's Hebrew name.
It is often recited by the same person who is honored to say the blessings (previous). It may be recited by anyone, but as it is a long paragraph in Hebrew, the person should be able to read Hebrew well.
EVERYONE in the room responds with declarations praising God and wishing well - blessings and all - upon the baby. When the crowd is unfamiliar with these Hebrew statements, I generally recite them word by word so all can repeat them together in unison.
Holding the baby for blessings and/or naming (previous two entries) - The person who plays this (these) role(s), should be significant to your family. Imagine this person having a relationship with you and your baby for a long time.
If one grandfather sat as sandak, consider having the baby's second grandfather hold him for the naming - this role is sometimes called the "Standing Sandak." Otherwise, in a synagogue a male will often play this role, while at home, it might be either of the baby's parents or grandparents. Sometimes two people will hold the baby together - both grandmothers, for example.
Monday, January 18, 2010
The Ceremony and the Honors
The baby starts off with his mother in a private room. The room changes depending on the venue - it could be a bedroom in an apartment or house, an office or bridal room in a synagogue or catering facility - any place which gives the baby breathing room and an intimate environment where baby’s mother can nurse or otherwise feed him after the bris.
The mohel may or may not prepare the baby prior to the bris. If the baby is “prep”ed by the mohel, the baby can be brought out when he is ready. Otherwise he should be brought out when the mohel calls for him.
For information on how to choose people for the following honors, see the end of this section.
The baby is brought into the room where the bris will take place by a “kvatter” couple. The couple consists of a male and female who are either married to one another or are mother/son or father/daughter or brother/sister. Their role is to be the medium passing the baby from his mother to his father.
After he is passed to kvatter, the mother can go to her “spot” for the bris. Some mothers prefer to stay in the back or in a different room. Some like to be right up front. If you have a rabbi, speak with him about what is best for you based on your tradition. There also tend to be different protocols for home circumcisions versus synagogue circumcisions.
In many traditions, the baby is next placed on the chair of Elijah, the “kisei shel Eliyahu.” Some verses are recited, paying tribute to a staunch defender of the covenant of Bris Milah, Elijah the prophet. Note how he makes an appearance here, similar to the one he makes at the Passover Seder.
The baby is handed to the father who first appoints the mohel to be his messenger to do the bris. This helps the father fulfill his obligation to be the actual person performing the circumcision.
(In Jewish law, a person can appoint a messenger, a “shaliach,” to perform certain commandments on one’s behalf. Other examples include sending someone to donate your charity money, or giving and accepting Jewish legal documents.)
Depending on the family custom, the father’s blessing might be recited now (Sephardic or Middle Eastern tradition).
The father places the baby on the sandak’s lap, where he will be held during the actual circumcision. The sandak honor is considered the highest one can bestow upon a person at the bris.
The mohel may or may not prepare the baby prior to the bris. If the baby is “prep”ed by the mohel, the baby can be brought out when he is ready. Otherwise he should be brought out when the mohel calls for him.
For information on how to choose people for the following honors, see the end of this section.
The baby is brought into the room where the bris will take place by a “kvatter” couple. The couple consists of a male and female who are either married to one another or are mother/son or father/daughter or brother/sister. Their role is to be the medium passing the baby from his mother to his father.
After he is passed to kvatter, the mother can go to her “spot” for the bris. Some mothers prefer to stay in the back or in a different room. Some like to be right up front. If you have a rabbi, speak with him about what is best for you based on your tradition. There also tend to be different protocols for home circumcisions versus synagogue circumcisions.
In many traditions, the baby is next placed on the chair of Elijah, the “kisei shel Eliyahu.” Some verses are recited, paying tribute to a staunch defender of the covenant of Bris Milah, Elijah the prophet. Note how he makes an appearance here, similar to the one he makes at the Passover Seder.
The baby is handed to the father who first appoints the mohel to be his messenger to do the bris. This helps the father fulfill his obligation to be the actual person performing the circumcision.
(In Jewish law, a person can appoint a messenger, a “shaliach,” to perform certain commandments on one’s behalf. Other examples include sending someone to donate your charity money, or giving and accepting Jewish legal documents.)
Depending on the family custom, the father’s blessing might be recited now (Sephardic or Middle Eastern tradition).
The father places the baby on the sandak’s lap, where he will be held during the actual circumcision. The sandak honor is considered the highest one can bestow upon a person at the bris.
At the moment of circumcision the mohel recites a blessing and then the father recites a blessing (Ashkenazic tradition), and the congregation responds accordingly.
After the circumcision is over and the baby is bandaged and wrapped up, he is held by another honoree, who is sometimes called the “standing sandak.”
While the baby is held, two blessings are recited by the rabbi, mohel or an honoree, who is holding a cup of wine. After that another paragraph is recited in which the baby is officially given his Hebrew name.
Mazal Tov!
PICKING THE HONOREES
The rules: All participants in the bris ceremony should be Jewish.
Every other absolute rule is in bold. Anything else is a suggestion or might change based on the venue - ie home versus synagogue. Usually the honorees are all male, save in the kvatter component.
The kvatter: The kvatter is a married couple unless they are a male/female team as described above. Some people have the custom to give this honor to a couple who as yet do not have children, with the hope that in the merit of participating in this event they will be blessed to have a child. If all your married friends and relatives have children, then the honor can be given to any married couple. Some people give it to a great aunt and uncle.
What about having more than one “kvatter”?
No problem. Some people have unmarried siblings (aunts and uncles to baby) or other friends they’d like to get involved. My rule is simple: “Women first, then men. Let the last woman hand the baby to her husband (the first man).”
Elijah’s Chair: This honor can be given to anyone. Some give it to a rabbi, some to an uncle, some to a dear friend. If this is not your first son, many people try to give honors to individuals who were not honored at the previous bris.
Sandak: The sandak must be male. He is usually the baby’s grandfather or great-grandfather. There is a custom, once past the first bris, to use a different sandak for every subsequent bris of your children. A person may be sandak many times – but for only one of your sons. Some Sephardic traditions re-use sandaks.
Blessings and Naming: Should be read by someone who reads Hebrew fluently. In a traditional ceremony, the one who recites the blessings is an observant Jew. In many cases, the rabbi or the mohel will recite the blessings as the default honoree.
Holding the baby/Standing Sandak: This honor can be given to anyone. It is often split - one person for the blessings, and one for the naming. When there are two grandfathers, this is usually when one or both get involved. If one was the regular sandak, the other will typically fill this role. If a great-grandfather was the regular sandak, the grandfathers might split the baby-holding.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
What is a "Kvatter"?
The role of the "kvatter" is to bring the baby from the mom to the dad at the start of the bris ceremony.
The term is Yiddish, and probably comes from the term "K'fater" which means "like the father." Those of Germanic descent might pronounce the word "g'fotter" with an "umlaut" over the "e" (the "e" should be pronounced like the "e" in "yes," as opposed to rolled over as it is in "fodder").
[Update 11/2014 - In the book "Minhagei Worms" (customs of the city of Worms), the author notes a custom that the woman who would take the baby from the mother (who is called the "Sandeket") would give the mother a gift called the "גיפאטר שאפט" (Gifater Shoft) in order to distract the mother from the pain her child is about to go through as she enjoys her new gift. I don't know what the literal translation of the term is (though "שאפט/shoft" seems to mean "community"), but clearly "G'fater" relates to our word in question.]
The word may also come from a diminutive or derivative of "Godfather."
There are different customs related to who is honored to play this role, particularly as pertains to what is called a "segulah" - a special merit to achieve a certain result.
This is not the place to discuss the general benefits of "segulah"s - but there is a nice list of segulahs at the "In the Pink" blog - you can read it here. [I don't recommend the last one for "getting pregnant" - and I happen to think it is a mistake. There is no way that anyone "really" ever did that. At least I hope I am correct]
The major "segulah" of this role is for people who are not yet parents to merit to become parents. Just as they are participating in the bris, just as the woman and man are "like" the mother and father of the baby in the way they are bringing him to his bris, they should merit to have a child, and if he's a boy, to bring him to his bris.
Brief History
Before the age of the mega-mom and the DIY ladies of today, whom we admire very much, by the way, women would not attend a bris in the way they do now. The mother might be in a different room or building, possibly being forced to rest by all her relatives or attendants after having given birth, and the baby would be brought to his bris.
Who would bring the baby? A woman who is trustworthy to the mother.
Who would she give the baby to? The baby's father, surely, except that it was considered immodest for a woman to hand something to a man, who is not her husband, in a public ceremony. So she would give the baby to her husband, who would bring the baby to his (baby's) father.
Present Day
I have not yet met a mother who chose to hide in a room somewhere while the bris takes place elsewhere. So why do we still have the kvatter? Let the mother bring her son to his bris!
There are a few reasons why the kvatter is still used, and other thoughts to consider when choosing a kvatter.
1. Married couples who observe the laws of "niddah" are not supposed to pass things to each other, on account of rules which limit certain practices between husband and wife during the niddah period. While "niddah" status is usually a private affair, a woman who has given birth is known to be in the status of "niddah" on account of her having given birth, so in a public Jewish ceremony, we help them follow the rules by having the "kvatter" couple as their go-between.
2. Some situations and circumstances do not make the mother's entrance possible, such as in certain synagogues or smaller rooms which have limited space. As such, the male half of the kvatter is in the room anyway and he'll take the baby from his wife to bring him to the ceremony.
3. The segulah to have a child is something that some people put a lot of stock in. Why not give them the opportunity, if it would be meaningful to them?
4. In a ceremony with limited participation - most of the honors consist of holding the baby briefly - it provides an opportunity to have more people hold the baby. Many people like to get additional "kvatter people" involved to give additional grandmothers, great aunts, friends and the like the opportunity to participate. It also provides more opportunities for photographs.
My rule in this respect (#4) is simple. Let the women pass the baby first, and the last woman gives the baby to her husband before other men pick up the hand-offs.
What if I don't have any childless married friends? Do I need to find such a couple? (Or - Who else could serve as kvatter?)
No. The couple should ideally be married to one another. Some people give it to the baby's aunt and uncle, or a great-aunt and great-uncle, or even the baby's grandparents. In the case that a married couple is not available, or they are being utilized for something else, the honor can also be given to a male-female team whose contact with one another would not be considered "immodest" in a public Jewish ceremony: for example, a mother/son or a father/daughter team. I guess a brother/sister team could also work.
Update - I made an interesting discovery in 2017 that touches upon this topic
What if the couple I want to include as kvatter are expecting - in other words, the wife is currently pregnant?
It really depends. Technically they don't have a baby yet, so the "segulah" could still apply. Some who are superstitious might view their being kvatter as a curse on their unborn baby (I believe this to be nonsense). Some feel that an expectant couple don't "need" to play this role.
May they be kvatters? Yes. Is it commonly done? No.
What if there is a couple with no kids that have been kvatter many times?
If they do believe in the segulah and want to play the role again, it is appropriate to give it to them as many times as possible.
BUT... be sensitive!
If they seem to be remorseful, or if it seems to be embarrassing to them because "everyone" knows they are "always" the kvatter couple, and "everyone" sees every time that they "still don't have kids" - which, of course, is nobody's business, then give the honor to somebody else.
Bottom Line
Follow the rules of a couple or appropriate tag-team, and give the honor to someone you care about and/or love.
p.s. Afterthought question
For those who follow the laws of niddah, what happens if the kvatter couple themselves are in a state of niddah?
There are two approaches:
1. This is nobody's business, and as it is a public ceremony, it does not matter. You should not be asking them, and they certainly should not be offering such information.
2. In some circles and some communities, the wife bring the baby in on two pillows, and the husband takes the baby and only the top pillow. In this way, the possibility of the wife handing the husband the baby is taken away. And as "everyone" does it this way, it removes any uncomfortable situations or needs for explaining.
The term is Yiddish, and probably comes from the term "K'fater" which means "like the father." Those of Germanic descent might pronounce the word "g'fotter" with an "umlaut" over the "e" (the "e" should be pronounced like the "e" in "yes," as opposed to rolled over as it is in "fodder").
[Update 11/2014 - In the book "Minhagei Worms" (customs of the city of Worms), the author notes a custom that the woman who would take the baby from the mother (who is called the "Sandeket") would give the mother a gift called the "גיפאטר שאפט" (Gifater Shoft) in order to distract the mother from the pain her child is about to go through as she enjoys her new gift. I don't know what the literal translation of the term is (though "שאפט/shoft" seems to mean "community"), but clearly "G'fater" relates to our word in question.]
The word may also come from a diminutive or derivative of "Godfather."
There are different customs related to who is honored to play this role, particularly as pertains to what is called a "segulah" - a special merit to achieve a certain result.
This is not the place to discuss the general benefits of "segulah"s - but there is a nice list of segulahs at the "In the Pink" blog - you can read it here. [I don't recommend the last one for "getting pregnant" - and I happen to think it is a mistake. There is no way that anyone "really" ever did that. At least I hope I am correct]
The major "segulah" of this role is for people who are not yet parents to merit to become parents. Just as they are participating in the bris, just as the woman and man are "like" the mother and father of the baby in the way they are bringing him to his bris, they should merit to have a child, and if he's a boy, to bring him to his bris.
Brief History
Before the age of the mega-mom and the DIY ladies of today, whom we admire very much, by the way, women would not attend a bris in the way they do now. The mother might be in a different room or building, possibly being forced to rest by all her relatives or attendants after having given birth, and the baby would be brought to his bris.
Who would bring the baby? A woman who is trustworthy to the mother.
Who would she give the baby to? The baby's father, surely, except that it was considered immodest for a woman to hand something to a man, who is not her husband, in a public ceremony. So she would give the baby to her husband, who would bring the baby to his (baby's) father.
Present Day
I have not yet met a mother who chose to hide in a room somewhere while the bris takes place elsewhere. So why do we still have the kvatter? Let the mother bring her son to his bris!
There are a few reasons why the kvatter is still used, and other thoughts to consider when choosing a kvatter.
1. Married couples who observe the laws of "niddah" are not supposed to pass things to each other, on account of rules which limit certain practices between husband and wife during the niddah period. While "niddah" status is usually a private affair, a woman who has given birth is known to be in the status of "niddah" on account of her having given birth, so in a public Jewish ceremony, we help them follow the rules by having the "kvatter" couple as their go-between.
2. Some situations and circumstances do not make the mother's entrance possible, such as in certain synagogues or smaller rooms which have limited space. As such, the male half of the kvatter is in the room anyway and he'll take the baby from his wife to bring him to the ceremony.
3. The segulah to have a child is something that some people put a lot of stock in. Why not give them the opportunity, if it would be meaningful to them?
4. In a ceremony with limited participation - most of the honors consist of holding the baby briefly - it provides an opportunity to have more people hold the baby. Many people like to get additional "kvatter people" involved to give additional grandmothers, great aunts, friends and the like the opportunity to participate. It also provides more opportunities for photographs.
My rule in this respect (#4) is simple. Let the women pass the baby first, and the last woman gives the baby to her husband before other men pick up the hand-offs.
What if I don't have any childless married friends? Do I need to find such a couple? (Or - Who else could serve as kvatter?)
No. The couple should ideally be married to one another. Some people give it to the baby's aunt and uncle, or a great-aunt and great-uncle, or even the baby's grandparents. In the case that a married couple is not available, or they are being utilized for something else, the honor can also be given to a male-female team whose contact with one another would not be considered "immodest" in a public Jewish ceremony: for example, a mother/son or a father/daughter team. I guess a brother/sister team could also work.
Update - I made an interesting discovery in 2017 that touches upon this topic
What if the couple I want to include as kvatter are expecting - in other words, the wife is currently pregnant?
It really depends. Technically they don't have a baby yet, so the "segulah" could still apply. Some who are superstitious might view their being kvatter as a curse on their unborn baby (I believe this to be nonsense). Some feel that an expectant couple don't "need" to play this role.
May they be kvatters? Yes. Is it commonly done? No.
What if there is a couple with no kids that have been kvatter many times?
If they do believe in the segulah and want to play the role again, it is appropriate to give it to them as many times as possible.
BUT... be sensitive!
If they seem to be remorseful, or if it seems to be embarrassing to them because "everyone" knows they are "always" the kvatter couple, and "everyone" sees every time that they "still don't have kids" - which, of course, is nobody's business, then give the honor to somebody else.
Bottom Line
Follow the rules of a couple or appropriate tag-team, and give the honor to someone you care about and/or love.
p.s. Afterthought question
For those who follow the laws of niddah, what happens if the kvatter couple themselves are in a state of niddah?
There are two approaches:
1. This is nobody's business, and as it is a public ceremony, it does not matter. You should not be asking them, and they certainly should not be offering such information.
2. In some circles and some communities, the wife bring the baby in on two pillows, and the husband takes the baby and only the top pillow. In this way, the possibility of the wife handing the husband the baby is taken away. And as "everyone" does it this way, it removes any uncomfortable situations or needs for explaining.
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