Mohel's Role in the Ceremony

Different factors play into parents asking for the ceremony to be tailored to their unique crowd and guests.

Of course this is obvious, but the main messages I try to convey in the bris ceremonies over which I preside include:
1. We are celebrating the continuation of the Abrahamic covenant of Genesis 17, which coincides thankfully with the birth of a baby boy.
2. The families of baby's mother and father are celebrating here today.
3. There is much significance attached to the ceremony - much of which has literally been introduced in the last few hundred years, as the ceremony has to a large degree been influenced by a fair dosage of symbolism.
4. The ceremony is an education opportunity.
5. There are some circumstances when light humor is beneficial to ease the nervous tension in the room, which is typically brought on by the fact that a circumcision is about to take place.
6. The ceremony is NOT about the mohel.

All these being the case, sometimes one, sometimes a number of these being true, the ceremony will have the same main ingredients but will never look the same twice.

0. Mohel Circumcises, Someone Else MCs, or runs the show
This does not happen often, but there is sometimes a rabbi, or a close relative or friend who runs the ceremony, and the mohel is literally hired to circumcise, and that's it.


1. Most basic
I will introduce the honorees and go through the ceremony step by step without fanfare. No explanations necessary - this is usually a knowledgable crowd.

2. Minimal Explanations
I will add a brief explanation of each step of the bris as each honoree is introduced.

3. Educational Ceremony
The different honors are explained in greater detail. A light comment, some good-natured humor, and an overall respectful message for the crowd. The ceremony concludes with the baby being given his Hebrew name and the final blessings embedded in the liturgy are briefly explained.

We can discuss what you want, or you can decide for yourself.
But know this: I make the ceremony about the "Bris (the Covenant)" about the family, and about the baby. No part of the circumcision or ceremony stands to serve any purpose to shine light on the mohel, to make it about him, so he becomes the object of attention. It is about the experience, the family, and whatever people can take away from their participation in this special occasion.

I firmly believe that a good mohel's mannerisms, sensitivity and awareness of the needs of people will serve him better than being a showman. Some people like a good show, but most just people prefer honesty, dignity, and a healthy dose of good natured cheer.

Which I hope I provide satisfactorally.

Including Women in the Ceremony

At a recent bris, some members of the family approached me afterwards to ask why (in that particular case) women are not included in the ceremony. The circumstances were, for me, far less than ideal, because I usually have a chance to talk with people in advance, to discuss with the baby's parents how they would like to have their ceremony. In this case, I was called in the late evening on the day before the bris, because the family found themselves without a mohel. The baby's grandfather called and made the arrangements.

I was not privy to any conversations they had with the mohel who cancelled on them, so I don't know what transpired - except in the end, the ceremony included the baby's uncle and his two grandfathers, and no one else.

Here are my thoughts on the subject - please read all before rushing to conclusions or judging.
1. There is no single rule that will work for everyone. For example, some mothers want to be up front during the bris, some want to be with friends or family in the middle or back of the room, and some don't even want to be in the room at all.
2. There are different protocols and sensitivities which must be adhered to depending on the venue where the bris is taking place. The rules of a synagogue, for example, are different than rules of one's private home.
3. Until relatively recently, women did not usually come to the bris.
4. In recent times, the sensitivity to be more inclusive of all grandparents in the ceremony has become a predominant concern for a significant number of people.
5. The Sandak (who holds the baby during the bris) must be male.

I could be chauvinistic and say that the bris is a mitzvah observed on a particularly male anatomical feature, and therefore the ceremony should involve males. [There is such a passage in the Talmud regarding who serves as the mohel. Since Avraham was told המול ימול - it is derived that המל ימול, that one who is circumcised will circumcise...]
On the other hand, I could say "Yeah? Well without women, there would not be any baby?!"

If you are looking for a traditional answer, the answer is that the kvatter is the traditional honor in which women are included.

If you are looking for a modern answer, the answer is that women should absolutely be involved when the protocol of the bris venue allows for it. In a traditional synagogue sanctuary (especially right after the morning services), you'd be out of luck. But in an egalitarian institution, and certainly in a neutral catering facility or at home, things would be different. I have been to and presided over brisses in which a grandmother either placed the baby on the chair of Elijah the Prophet or held the baby after the bris - sometimes alone or sometimes together with her husband. I've even done "hatafat dam" while the baby's mother held him.

In short, I don't think the right attitude is to say "NO." I personally go for the traditionalist viewpoint, but I also live in the real world. Some people feel very strongly about these things, while others are more open to seeing a different side. [Though I do think that claiming a "bris ceremony is paternalistic" is a little insensitive in the other direction - Would you want men to be involved in a ceremony that celebrates something related to female anatomy? I wouldn't!]

Bottom line: I think a conversation is in order. I think the baby's parents should have the final say as far as what they want their ceremony to look like.

And I think that all the relatives and friends who get offended by others' choices need to look at the bigger picture. Not being involved in the five minutes of the ceremony is, in the grand scheme of things, not that big of a deal. You can take all the pictures you want before and afterwards, and you can cherish the new baby in your family every waking minute you have the chance to be with him. Giving a guilt trip to those who "excluded you" (even though they meant no offense in it) will only strain a relationship, and is entirely not worth it. Remember that the new parents are going through a lot (especially with a first baby), and may not be thinking of every permutation. Cut them a little slack, cut the mohel a little slack, and just enjoy the day.

What Makes YOU Different?

Someone recently asked me that - in the context of our talking about bris milah and this vocation of mine. Good question.
While some of the things I am about to describe are true with some mohels, I aim to bring them all together.

• The Main difference is that I view the bris experience as an educational experience. I aim to share as much information as I can share with you, so you understand what will be happening to your son, and what you are really asking me to do on your behalf.
• I am one of very few mohels who uses a surgical marker (or any magic marker) to guide the incision I will make during the bris. [Most mohels (arrogantly, in my opinion) "estimate" the foreskin, and don't pay much attention to aesthetics. I know it is important to you, however, and it is therefore extremely important to me that I 'get it right.' Using the marker assures a significantly more consistent result.]
• I spend the time getting to know you, getting a feel for who you are and what you want the bris experience to be. You are never "a number"
• From when bris mode sets in (beginning with our pre-bris meeting or phone conversation - not the "booking" but the "let's go over all the details" one) I am completely at your service until the last time I feel I need to see your baby. I communicate, call, keep you informed of all you need to know. If your home is within driving distance (as opposed to if I came by plane), I can come visit anytime you want afterwards to see how things are looking and let you know of what is still to come. 
• Depending on your particular needs - participation of men, women, family, friends; as well as accomodations for religious observance and preference - I hope to tailor the bris ceremony and experience to your liking.
• I don't have a particular formula that I use every time - it is more like a very loose script that guides our way, but is open to much ad-libbing. All to make each bris unique and special for its participants.
• I am a superstickler for sterility

    - using sterile gloves (many mohels opt for non-sterile, which are less expensive)
    - creating a sterile field for the bris (as is done in an operating room)
    - metzitza with a tube stuffed with gauze - no passage of saliva/blood between mohel and baby
    - all sterilized instruments, drapes and bandages are opened for the first time at the bris

• I am extremely careful to leave your baby with a clean bandage, after having observed for the requisite amount of time that his wound has clotted and that he is not bleeding.
• I give you full instructions for how to care for the wound after the bris, and what you will be seeing.

I hope you will consider utilizing my services, and I appreciate the trust and confidence you put in me. 

Circumcisions versus Brisses - Circumcising Jews, Half-Jews, Non-Jews

As far as I can tell, citizens of the world who circumcise their sons do so for one or more of many possible reasons: as a medical procedure, as part of a religious ritual that is a right of passage, for cultural reasons, for asthetics, or because daddy is circumcised.

I have met doctors who perform circumcisions all the time, and some who do them every now and then. Each one has a method which works for them to achieve the desired result. (Doctors are wonderful people, and they usually specialize in a particular field. As such, I would be wary of doctors who do not do them regularly, simply from word of mouth from other doctors who've told me their colleagues ought to stick to what they know - but that is for a different discussion.)

Mohels find themselves in a unique circumstance. Most mohels (certainly Orthodox mohels) are not physicians, and yet they have what many would consider a medical expertise in a very limited field. Does this make them obligated, under a sort of Hippocratic Oath, to perform circumcisions whenever called upon to do so?

Firstly, mohels are also specialists and should never extend beyond their training. There is circumcision, which is more or less routine, and there are surgeries which require a reconstruction of the penis. A mohel who is untrained should not undertake such a procedure, particularly if the best setting for it is an operating room with general anesthesia.

Secondly, circumcision, particularly on a newborn, is not, objectively, a "necessary" procedure, and in most cases is not life-saving. As to-circumcise or not-to-circumcise is a choice made by parents, mohels are under no obligation to accept the job if they do not want to. (Religious law might require them to in the event there is no one else available, particularly for a bris which must take place on the eighth day -- though obviously if it does not work out on the eighth day, it can be done at the next opportunity, ideally as soon as possible.)

So we come to our question: May a mohel circumcise non-Jewish babies, or is he only allowed to do brisses (as opposed to routine circumcisions)?

The Ceremony and the Honors

The baby starts off with his mother in a private room. The room changes depending on the venue - it could be a bedroom in an apartment or house, an office or bridal room in a synagogue or catering facility - any place which gives the baby breathing room and an intimate environment where baby’s mother can nurse or otherwise feed him after the bris.

The mohel may or may not prepare the baby prior to the bris. If the baby is “prep”ed by the mohel, the baby can be brought out when he is ready. Otherwise he should be brought out when the mohel calls for him.

For information on how to choose people for the following honors, see the end of this section.

The baby is brought into the room where the bris will take place by a “kvatter” couple. The couple consists of a male and female who are either married to one another or are mother/son or father/daughter or brother/sister. Their role is to be the medium passing the baby from his mother to his father.

After he is passed to kvatter, the mother can go to her “spot” for the bris. Some mothers prefer to stay in the back or in a different room. Some like to be right up front. If you have a rabbi, speak with him about what is best for you based on your tradition. There also tend to be different protocols for home circumcisions versus synagogue circumcisions.

In many traditions, the baby is next placed on the chair of Elijah, the “kisei shel Eliyahu.” Some verses are recited, paying tribute to a staunch defender of the covenant of Bris Milah, Elijah the prophet. Note how he makes an appearance here, similar to the one he makes at the Passover Seder.

The baby is handed to the father who first appoints the mohel to be his messenger to do the bris. This helps the father fulfill his obligation to be the actual person performing the circumcision.

(In Jewish law, a person can appoint a messenger, a “shaliach,” to perform certain commandments on one’s behalf. Other examples include sending someone to donate your charity money, or giving and accepting Jewish legal documents.)

Depending on the family custom, the father’s blessing might be recited now (Sephardic or Middle Eastern tradition).

The father places the baby on the sandak’s lap, where he will be held during the actual circumcision. The sandak honor is considered the highest one can bestow upon a person at the bris.

At the moment of circumcision the mohel recites a blessing and then the father recites a blessing (Ashkenazic tradition), and the congregation responds accordingly.

After the circumcision is over and the baby is bandaged and wrapped up, he is held by another honoree, who is sometimes called the “standing sandak.”

While the baby is held, two blessings are recited by the rabbi, mohel or an honoree, who is holding a cup of wine. After that another paragraph is recited in which the baby is officially given his Hebrew name.

Mazal Tov!

PICKING THE HONOREES

The rules: All participants in the bris ceremony should be Jewish.

Every other absolute rule is in bold. Anything else is a suggestion or might change based on the venue - ie home versus synagogue. Usually the honorees are all male, save in the kvatter component.

The kvatter: The kvatter is a married couple unless they are a male/female team as described above. Some people have the custom to give this honor to a couple who as yet do not have children, with the hope that in the merit of participating in this event they will be blessed to have a child. If all your married friends and relatives have children, then the honor can be given to any married couple. Some people give it to a great aunt and uncle.

What about having more than one “kvatter”?

No problem. Some people have unmarried siblings (aunts and uncles to baby) or other friends they’d like to get involved. My rule is simple: “Women first, then men. Let the last woman hand the baby to her husband (the first man).”

Elijah’s Chair: This honor can be given to anyone. Some give it to a rabbi, some to an uncle, some to a dear friend. If this is not your first son, many people try to give honors to individuals who were not honored at the previous bris.

Sandak: The sandak must be male. He is usually the baby’s grandfather or great-grandfather. There is a custom, once past the first bris, to use a different sandak for every subsequent bris of your children. A person may be sandak many times – but for only one of your sons. Some Sephardic traditions re-use sandaks.

Blessings and Naming: Should be read by someone who reads Hebrew fluently. In a traditional ceremony, the one who recites the blessings is an observant Jew. In many cases, the rabbi or the mohel will recite the blessings as the default honoree.

Holding the baby/Standing Sandak: This honor can be given to anyone. It is often split - one person for the blessings, and one for the naming. When there are two grandfathers, this is usually when one or both get involved. If one was the regular sandak, the other will typically fill this role. If a great-grandfather was the regular sandak, the grandfathers might split the baby-holding.

Putting Your Mind At Ease

When a new baby arrives, there is so much to do.

Take care of older siblings, take care of mommy, take care of new baby.

If there's a Shalom Zachar: arrange the logistics of the Friday night party, tables and chairs, food and drinks, who will speak, and (if it's being done out of the house) arranging the location.

In the week leading up to the bris: the location needs to be booked, the caterer or food needs to be arranged, and the mohel needs to be called.

Many people are blessed to have family and friends take care of many of these things. Even calling the mohel can be done by someone other than the parents (though it's a good idea for everyone to know who is arranging the mohel so only one is hired).

Most of the things that need to be done can be done per your style, based exactly on what you want.

When it comes to the actual circumcision, however, most people do not know enough about the field to know there are differences in the way mohels may operate or work, in terms of technical procedural details.

I try very hard to give the baby's parents the forum to have the bris "how you want."

So whether you want a meaningful ceremony, a quick procedure, interactive with crowd participation, more of a show, or just a simple, dignified bris, give me a call! Let's talk about what fits your needs, and make the bris out to be all that you wish for yourselves, your baby, and this moment in your lives.

Mazal tov!

Different Types of Mohels

There are many excellent mohels in this country. There are many fine mohels as well.

In Israel these differences are marked by the title "Mohel Mumcheh" (מוהל מומחה) (expert) and the standard "Mohel Musmach" (מוהל מוסמך) (certified or ordained to be a mohel). The differences between them vary and depend upon certain qualifications such as advanced study and examination, and years and volume of experience.

Just to bring an example, on this list of certified over 350 mohels in the Jerusalem area, very few of them are "experts." It's kind of like going to the top doctor who is less accessible when just about any other doctor will do the same job for you.

Trifecta: Ceremony, Care (Results), Complications (a.k.a 'The Triple C')

These three components will help you determine the kind of mohel you want. Unless a mohel is right out of mohel school, any experienced mohel has done hundreds, if not thousands of procedures. So you need not worry about your son being horribly damaged. As a pediatric surgeon I know has said, "We fix more circumcisions done by OBGYNs than anything else. With mohels, we'll usually hesitate to do anything to their work because they generally do a really good job. The worst case scenario, if anything, is a slight cosmetic touch up. Which is extremely rare and usually unnecessary."

Taking his lead, let's look to other criteria, because just about any mohel you will hear about is probably a fine, good, or excellent mohel whom you can trust your son's care to. A pediatrician I consulted with many times (particularly to determine if the bris needs to be delayed due to the baby's health) told me that many brisses he sees (in his neighborhood in NY there are many mohels so he saw the gamut of "results") look awful in the first few days, but they usually heal quite nicely and end up looking fine. [Before I moved to Florida, he called me to say how much he'd miss me and that I was the first mohel name he gave to clients who asked for a suggestion.]

Ceremony

• Do you want a simple ceremony? A flashy ceremony?
• Do you want the mohel to be the star of the show? Or do you want the baby to be the center of attention?
• Do you want your family involved? Do you want the mohel to do everything?
• Do you want to do the bris your way? The mohel's way? Guided by Jewish tradition? (These do not have to conflict)
• Do you have customs based on your family's most ethnic point of origin (as in North Africa, Middle East, or Eastern Europe - not North America, Middle America, or the Eastern Seaboard)?
• Do you want explanations of the ceremony? Significance explained, lessons taught, stories told?
• Do you want bare bones, no talking except what is written in the prayer book?

Care (and Results)

• Does the mohel see the baby before the bris? Does he make a follow up visit after the bris?
• Is he sensitive to the baby? Is he sensitive to the mother?
• Does he wear gloves and have a sterile technique - see here and here ?
• Does he put you at ease (see here too)? Is he preoccupied thinking only about what he has to do?
• Does he inform you how to care for the baby after the bris?
• Does he tell you what to do in an emergency situation?
• What is his track record? Was his work ever revisited by surgeons? (for most mohels the answer may be yes. This is a simple matter of statistics. Out of 100 brisses, at least one may have an issue. Either he won't tell you, or, and this may very well be the case, he does not know because the parents did not tell him about it)?
• How long does it take to heal and what are the cosmetic results like (in general)?

Complications

• What kinds of complications can or do arise after a bris?
• How does a mohel deal with them?
• What if aesthetics or other matters come up or become apparent a few months down the road? How does the mohel deal with these circumstances and questions?

My Pitch to You

• I was trained by the government supervisor in Israel, Rabbi Mordechai Sasson. Before retiring he was one the five "expert" mohels on the list linked above.
• The number of brisses I have performed is in the 4 digits - which is an explanation I likely won't be updating for awhile (will need to get to 10,000 for that!) - in my over 25 years as a mohel (updated this info in 2024, as my training ended in 1998)
• Many parents have called me to do a bris for them a second time (on a different son of theirs, of course), a third time, and even four times! Some sets of grandparents have watched me circumcise anywhere from three to a dozen of their grandsons. This may include babies from three or more (sets) of their own children.
• I am not flashy, I am very respectful, and I guarantee the highest standards of sterility in the care of your son.
• I recognize that every baby is different, not all babies have the same circumstance of anatomy - and underneath the foreskin there can be all sorts of hidden surprises which may often determine a different result. Not all brisses end up looking the same.
• I have (thank God) never had a baby go to a doctor or hospital due to bleeding issues after a bris while under my care.
• I have (thank God) never had a baby develop an infection as a result of the bris.
• I view my role very seriously, and come to a bris with a sense of trepidation over the seriousness of the moment and the Jewish, traditional significance attached to the bris.
• On an equal scale, I value the trust you put in me as a practitioner, to give your son the care he deserves for undergoing this procedure, in fulfillment of the commandment first given to Abraham and concretized by Moses on Mt. Sinai. (If not for these last reasons, I would never serve in this capacity.)

I hope your research brings you back to this site and look forward to talking with you when your son is born.