Short answers to the following questions can be found here
The links will send you to longer answers to the questions categorized below...
MOST PRACTICAL
* I'm a practical person and don't have time for all this. What do I need to know and do to prepare for a bris? You can start by utilizing all the "page" links at the top of the page, or you can go to this blog post which covers each essential thing you need to find, from the preparations for the bris to the longer term care instructions and things to note.
ABOUT THE MOHEL
* Anythoughts on how to find the right mohel? (Aside from calling the number on the right of the page? :) Seriously though -- Important to know what you're looking for and to ask the right questions, basically - do your research!! My own comparison of Billet vs the other guys
* What is your training? (read my mini bio on this homepage)
* Why did you become a mohel? What do you enjoy about being a mohel?
* Are you a doctor? No. Does a mohel need to be a doctor? Read the second half of this post
* (or read this article from the jweekly of California)
PREPARING FOR THE BRIS - DETAILS AND MINDSET
* What do I need for a bris? Supplies
* What is the setup for a bris? Setting up the room
* What goes into preparing a bris party? What is an appropriate venue for a bris?
THE CEREMONY AND THE PROCEDURE
* How does the ceremony work? (General overview of the Ceremony)
* How is a circumcision done? Methods,
* What exactly happens in a circumcision? Before and After (note the link to the circumcised banana)
* Explain the honors of the ceremony: HONORS LIST (more detailed list of the honors) Kvatter, Kisei (Chair of) Eliyahu (Elijah the Prophet), Sandak
* What is metzitzah? As straight as I can give it to you, An Additional Thought, Is it a "Mitzvah"?
* How do you balance inclusion of family, friends and guests in the ceremony? Having Family and Friends Involved (includes honors list)
* What surgical instruments and supplies are used in a circumcision? SHIELD TUBE KNIFE PROBE HEMOSTATS MARKER GLOVES NUMBING
AFTER THE BRIS
* How do I care for my son after the bris? Instructions Thoughts on Tylenol
* What will it look like? Before and After
* What can go wrong? Common issues Correctable and Really Bad, Long term Care Reminder
MISCELLANEOUS
* How does it work if one of us (baby's parents) is not Jewish? A: If his mother is Jewish... What Makes a Jew, Mohel's role in circumcising half-Jews (one Jewish parent) and non-Jews, When the mother is not Jewish
* What will the bris itself (circumcision - mohel's role) cost? Initial Thoughts and More straightforward
* How important is sterility really? One, Two, Three
* Is there a difference between a bris and a circumcision? This topic, Related conversation
Showing posts with label FAQ. Show all posts
Showing posts with label FAQ. Show all posts
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
The Right to Choose
I later wrote a Part II to this
You're a young parent. You are about to have your first son (or your second, or your third, etc). You know you're going to be making a bris. You'd like to do research and hire the person you want to do the job. Then mom or dad call and say "Use our friend. He was good enough for you back then." You're thinking, "I don't want a guy who is old enough to be my parent (or grandparent). I want someone who can relate to my experience." Not that the person being recommended is not a good mohel. But your needs are different. [Of course I am not suggesting a mohel should be judged by his age. You should get the right mohel for what you need]
He's your baby. You have the right to choose.
Getting Ahead Means Constant Education - Static is a Formula for Mediocrity
In order to get to the top of one's field, every professional has an obligation to continue one's education. As one mohel put it to me after I had observed him work, "Please tell me what I am doing wrong. I am always learning." Mind you, this man has been a mohel for over 25 years. So I admire him for being able to say this, even though he certainly didn't need any comments of mine.
When you're put on the spot like that, it is hard to be honest. Especially when you don't really know the guy.
So I told him, "Here are the things I would have done differently. I would wear sterile gloves (as opposed to your method of wearing no gloves and using your bare hands). I would have a wastebasket under the table."
What I did not say was, "I would make sure the wine and all materials are there before I begin. I would know who all the key players are (i.e. who is the father, and who are the grandparents) before I begin the ceremony. And I would not delay the start of the ceremony twenty minutes because I am not ready."
I once mentioned to my father that a person who had been reading the megillah on Purim for thirty years must really know it well. My father said, "Yes. Except he's been making the same mistakes for thirty years."
The World of Competition or 'Why Settle for Mediocrity?'It is amazing to me that people settle for mediocrity just because that is what they are used to.
Imagine this scene: There is one kosher restaurant in town. The food is OK (not great), the service is borderline (leaning towards lousy), and the prices are a little higher than reasonable (bordering on ridiculous). You go there only because you don't know anything else, and because you like to eat out every once in a while, but mostly because there are no other options
But don't you think you'd be checking circulars, ads, newspapers, yellow pages, the internet to see if a different kosher restaurant is opening? Let's say this mediocre restaurant is "all you ever knew." Can't you imagine that a different option might be an improvement? Especially if it is looking to compete with what has been, until now, the "only show in town?"
That is a depiction of restaurants.
Why I Prefer to Promote the Finer Qualities of A New Age Mohel
When I was a younger (not as busy) mohel, a friend of mine once said to me in commiseration "Does it really matter if a sixty year old [makes the cut] or if you do it?" His point was that the cosmetic result will be the same. The sixty+ year old in question (a certain mohel in NY), has a reputation and an endless supply of clients. Does it really matter to a young family if they get the thirty year veteran or the (then) five year veteran? All they want is for the bris to go well and for the baby to heal nicely!
Not really.
The New Age Mohel is in tune to modern sensitivities and sensibilities. He uses the most up to date methods of sterilization. He is neat and polished He is extremely aware of the clients he serves, their particular needs, and the needs of their guests who join in their celebration.
And he knows what new parents really want to get out of the bris experience.
What Do Parents Really Want?
New parents want to be treated with dignity and respect. They want the mohel to give them the time of day. They want a person who will sit with them and talk to them, and address their concerns. They want a person who will explain to them the process, who will raise and discuss important issues, who will give them the information they need to feel most comfortable with the process of the bris. They want a mohel who will help guide them and show them different options, to help them understand and find what they want.
They want to see that the mohel practices with a sterile technique. They want to see that he works in a clean space. They want to see that he treats their baby gently. They want to see that they and their baby are not just a number - that they are treated like human beings, like parents who have just had the amazing experience of birth, and who want to have an equally meaningful experience with the bris.
They want follow up. They want the mohel to visit the baby after the bris. To see that everything is OK. To give clear instructions. To call. To be in touch. To care.
See here for a list of good questions to ask a mohel
WARNINGS
Too many people go into the bris experience with too little information. You would never choose a surgeon for yourself without doing research: why pick a mohel for your newborn without doing research?
The bad stories and experiences are usually swept under the rug.
People are embarrassed to talk about their son's penis and his bris.I have heard the following statements from (too many) people who did no research before hiring someone for their son's bris. No one is perfect. But these statements should never have to be said after your son's bris.
THESE ARE ACTUAL QUOTES FROM PEOPLE I HAVE MET, WHO TOLD ME THE STORY OF THEIR EXPERIENCE AFTER LEARNING I AM A MOHEL (WHO DOES THINGS VERY DIFFERENTLY THAN THESE COMMENTS INDICATE ABOUT OTHERS' BRIS EXPERIENCES)
"The diaper was a mess after the bris."
"The mohel did not give us clear instructions."
"There was a bleeding problem."
"The baby got an infection from the bris." [THIS SHOULD NEVER HAPPEN]
"The mohel was not in touch."
"The mohel did not practice good personal hygiene, or in the way he conducted the bris."
"The mohel told us how to take off the bandage, and instructed us over the phone."
"The mohel was insensitive to our needs."
"I wish I had done more research."
"I wish I had even explored other options."
Feel free to contact me if you have any questions.
You're a young parent. You are about to have your first son (or your second, or your third, etc). You know you're going to be making a bris. You'd like to do research and hire the person you want to do the job. Then mom or dad call and say "Use our friend. He was good enough for you back then." You're thinking, "I don't want a guy who is old enough to be my parent (or grandparent). I want someone who can relate to my experience." Not that the person being recommended is not a good mohel. But your needs are different. [Of course I am not suggesting a mohel should be judged by his age. You should get the right mohel for what you need]
He's your baby. You have the right to choose.
Getting Ahead Means Constant Education - Static is a Formula for Mediocrity
In order to get to the top of one's field, every professional has an obligation to continue one's education. As one mohel put it to me after I had observed him work, "Please tell me what I am doing wrong. I am always learning." Mind you, this man has been a mohel for over 25 years. So I admire him for being able to say this, even though he certainly didn't need any comments of mine.
When you're put on the spot like that, it is hard to be honest. Especially when you don't really know the guy.
So I told him, "Here are the things I would have done differently. I would wear sterile gloves (as opposed to your method of wearing no gloves and using your bare hands). I would have a wastebasket under the table."
What I did not say was, "I would make sure the wine and all materials are there before I begin. I would know who all the key players are (i.e. who is the father, and who are the grandparents) before I begin the ceremony. And I would not delay the start of the ceremony twenty minutes because I am not ready."
I once mentioned to my father that a person who had been reading the megillah on Purim for thirty years must really know it well. My father said, "Yes. Except he's been making the same mistakes for thirty years."
The World of Competition or 'Why Settle for Mediocrity?'It is amazing to me that people settle for mediocrity just because that is what they are used to.
Imagine this scene: There is one kosher restaurant in town. The food is OK (not great), the service is borderline (leaning towards lousy), and the prices are a little higher than reasonable (bordering on ridiculous). You go there only because you don't know anything else, and because you like to eat out every once in a while, but mostly because there are no other options
But don't you think you'd be checking circulars, ads, newspapers, yellow pages, the internet to see if a different kosher restaurant is opening? Let's say this mediocre restaurant is "all you ever knew." Can't you imagine that a different option might be an improvement? Especially if it is looking to compete with what has been, until now, the "only show in town?"
That is a depiction of restaurants.
Why I Prefer to Promote the Finer Qualities of A New Age Mohel
When I was a younger (not as busy) mohel, a friend of mine once said to me in commiseration "Does it really matter if a sixty year old [makes the cut] or if you do it?" His point was that the cosmetic result will be the same. The sixty+ year old in question (a certain mohel in NY), has a reputation and an endless supply of clients. Does it really matter to a young family if they get the thirty year veteran or the (then) five year veteran? All they want is for the bris to go well and for the baby to heal nicely!
Not really.
The New Age Mohel is in tune to modern sensitivities and sensibilities. He uses the most up to date methods of sterilization. He is neat and polished He is extremely aware of the clients he serves, their particular needs, and the needs of their guests who join in their celebration.
And he knows what new parents really want to get out of the bris experience.
What Do Parents Really Want?
New parents want to be treated with dignity and respect. They want the mohel to give them the time of day. They want a person who will sit with them and talk to them, and address their concerns. They want a person who will explain to them the process, who will raise and discuss important issues, who will give them the information they need to feel most comfortable with the process of the bris. They want a mohel who will help guide them and show them different options, to help them understand and find what they want.
They want to see that the mohel practices with a sterile technique. They want to see that he works in a clean space. They want to see that he treats their baby gently. They want to see that they and their baby are not just a number - that they are treated like human beings, like parents who have just had the amazing experience of birth, and who want to have an equally meaningful experience with the bris.
They want follow up. They want the mohel to visit the baby after the bris. To see that everything is OK. To give clear instructions. To call. To be in touch. To care.
See here for a list of good questions to ask a mohel
WARNINGS
Too many people go into the bris experience with too little information. You would never choose a surgeon for yourself without doing research: why pick a mohel for your newborn without doing research?
The bad stories and experiences are usually swept under the rug.
People are embarrassed to talk about their son's penis and his bris.I have heard the following statements from (too many) people who did no research before hiring someone for their son's bris. No one is perfect. But these statements should never have to be said after your son's bris.
THESE ARE ACTUAL QUOTES FROM PEOPLE I HAVE MET, WHO TOLD ME THE STORY OF THEIR EXPERIENCE AFTER LEARNING I AM A MOHEL (WHO DOES THINGS VERY DIFFERENTLY THAN THESE COMMENTS INDICATE ABOUT OTHERS' BRIS EXPERIENCES)
"The diaper was a mess after the bris."
"The mohel did not give us clear instructions."
"There was a bleeding problem."
"The baby got an infection from the bris." [THIS SHOULD NEVER HAPPEN]
"The mohel was not in touch."
"The mohel did not practice good personal hygiene, or in the way he conducted the bris."
"The mohel told us how to take off the bandage, and instructed us over the phone."
"The mohel was insensitive to our needs."
"I wish I had done more research."
"I wish I had even explored other options."
Feel free to contact me if you have any questions.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Good Questions to Ask ANY Mohel
You know you're having a boy. Or you're doing research just in case. What do you ask, to be sure you're getting the information you need to ascertain if the mohel you're speaking with is right for you.
For some of these questions, different answers are a matter of preference for you.
I feel the questions which relate to cleanliness and sterility should only have one acceptable answer... but that's only my opinion.
1. Do you wear sterile gloves while doing the bris?
2. How do you do metzitzah – by mouth or with a tube?
3. Do you use a hemostat to accomplish milah and priah at once? Or do you use your fingernail to do priah?
4. Do you use a clamp? If so, what kind? Why?
5. Do you mark the spot where you plan to make the incision?
6. What kind of knife do you use for the bris?
7. How do you sterilize your instruments?
8. What is your opinion about the pain the baby feels during the bris? Can anything be done to ease it?
9. Do you plan to see the baby before the day of the bris?
10. When is the last time the baby should eat before the bris?
11. How soon after the bris can my son eat?
12. Do you plan to make any follow-up visits in the days following the bris?
13. Do you ever need to do anything to my son, other than change his bandage, after the bris?
14. How long does the healing process take?
15. Do you have printed instructions for how to care for the bris?
16. Would you do a bris if one of the parents is not Jewish?
17. Do you offer a certificate?
18. Do you have a list of items that need to be prepared for the bris?
19. What is the wine for? Who drinks it?
20. What is your fee?
21. Do you double book brisses – will you be on time?
For some of these questions, different answers are a matter of preference for you.
I feel the questions which relate to cleanliness and sterility should only have one acceptable answer... but that's only my opinion.
1. Do you wear sterile gloves while doing the bris?
2. How do you do metzitzah – by mouth or with a tube?
3. Do you use a hemostat to accomplish milah and priah at once? Or do you use your fingernail to do priah?
4. Do you use a clamp? If so, what kind? Why?
5. Do you mark the spot where you plan to make the incision?
6. What kind of knife do you use for the bris?
7. How do you sterilize your instruments?
8. What is your opinion about the pain the baby feels during the bris? Can anything be done to ease it?
9. Do you plan to see the baby before the day of the bris?
10. When is the last time the baby should eat before the bris?
11. How soon after the bris can my son eat?
12. Do you plan to make any follow-up visits in the days following the bris?
13. Do you ever need to do anything to my son, other than change his bandage, after the bris?
14. How long does the healing process take?
15. Do you have printed instructions for how to care for the bris?
16. Would you do a bris if one of the parents is not Jewish?
17. Do you offer a certificate?
18. Do you have a list of items that need to be prepared for the bris?
19. What is the wine for? Who drinks it?
20. What is your fee?
21. Do you double book brisses – will you be on time?
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