Let's Talk About Honorariums

From thefreedictionary.com:

hon·o·rar·i·um (n-râr-m)
       n. pl. hon·o·rar·i·ums or hon·o·rar·i·a (--)
A payment given to a professional person for services for which fees are not legally or traditionally required.
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In traditional sources, Jewish professionals - rabbis, teachers, mohels, shochets (ritual slaughterers), sofers (scribes who write Torahs, Tefillin and Mezuzahs) are not really supposed to take payment for their services rendered.
 
Practically speaking, if these people are not independently wealthy from other endeavors, you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who would continue to work in these fields. In other words, if this is their full-time line of work, or something they do from which they rely on "supplemental income," then it is important to see that they are paid appropriately for services rendered.
 

Prioritizing our questions

I've received a number of calls in the last couple of weeks, from people who are doing their research before baby arrives. I mean this with all sincerity - kudos to you! It it so important to do proper research before the baby arrives.

The question I hear most often is about the "cost." Let me assure you this is not an issue - I graciously accept whatever you offer. [Note from 1/2/11 - here is a new posting on the subject] [And yet another posting on why Costs should not be a determining factor - August 2011]

While it is most understandable that this is a top question, at the same time, I feel that other questions which should be at the top are not asked at all.

Are there ever complications?
What is the healing process like?
What are your methods for maintaining sterility? (See the second half of the link)
How will you treat our baby and how will you treat us?

More examples of Important questions can be found here and here (this second one is the same as the link above, but the questions in it focus more on things you ought to be asking yourself - to help you decide what you want out of the bris experience).

Let's talk!

The "Afterthought" Question

Please note I have another post on this subject here

New parents have many things on their minds. (Thank you "Baby Blues" for putting it so nicely)

Before preparing for a bris, the first thing everyone is concerned with is the adjustment - getting life back to a semblance of "normal" routine. First-time parents need to get used to the reality of a new person in their lives, whose care they are responsible for, and whom they possibly (probably) love more than they even love each other.

Parents with other children need to deal with the adjustment of a new baby in the house, possible jealousy of siblings craving attention, as well as the needs of the new baby himself, even though they are "seasoned" parents.

A bris puts what could potentially be a very stressful burden onto parents of a newborn, with a very fast deadline: No more than seven days to prepare.

Those who work out as many details in advance of the birth, whether they know the baby's gender or not, are a step ahead. They know where the bris will take place, they know who will cater, they've made arrangements with a mohel.

And somehow in the middle of it all, "the" question gets lost in translation.

"What's the fee?" "How much will it cost?" Most mohels do not raise such a question on their websites.

The truth is, how can you put a price on a mitzvah of such intimate, personal, and national significance?

My answer to the question is simple: I can't, so I don't. It's up to you.

According to Jewish law, the actual commandment in the Torah, is for the father to do the circumcision himself. People ask me all the time, "Did you circumcise your own son?" You see, bris and mohel-ing is not like a medical procedure for which it is ill-advised to have a family member preside over the surgery - even if the family member is the top in his or her field.

For a bris, the father is supposed to do the surgery.

Yes. I circumcised my son. Thank God, I am in a unique position of being a father who is trained and knows how to circumcise.

Most fathers are not trained, however, and would prefer to put their sons' well-being in the hands of skilled practitioners. And even if they think they can do it, the baby's mommy will never allow it, so it's usually a moot issue.

"Come on, Rabbi. Give me a range."

I can do that, but I don't want you to feel pressure to "match up" to others who may be in a different financial position. Ask yourself what it is worth to you to have this taken care of by someone else, and that is an appropriate honorarium.

It is my practice to say "Thank you" - no questions asked.

Final two notes:

A. If you live in a relatively close proximity to my home or regular travels, I look forward to meeting you before the bris. I will always make at least one follow-up visit, and may come back two or three times, depending on your child's needs. All travel expenses are included in whatever remuneration is offered - and is, of course, most appreciated.

B. For those looking for a range, people generally offer anywhere between $0 and $1000. Most people settle somewhere in the middle range ($400 to $750).

See links below!

It may or not be helpful, but it is the best I can give you. Parents of a new baby could be at very different stages in their lives - from barely newlyweds who have no money to wealthy CEOs having their last hurrah at age 40. Let each do according to their means.

I am truly honored to participate - the role of mohel is a reward in and of itself. The opportunity to help, and everything else, is a gift of God.

See part II of this discussion

And see the most clarified Honorarium Page

Good Questions to Ask ANY Mohel

You know you're having a boy. Or you're doing research just in case. What do you ask, to be sure you're getting the information you need to ascertain if the mohel you're speaking with is right for you.

For some of these questions, different answers are a matter of preference for you.

I feel the questions which relate to cleanliness and sterility should only have one acceptable answer... but that's only my opinion.

1. Do you wear sterile gloves while doing the bris?
2. How do you do metzitzah – by mouth or with a tube?
3. Do you use a hemostat to accomplish milah and priah at once? Or do you use your fingernail to do priah?
4. Do you use a clamp? If so, what kind? Why?
5. Do you mark the spot where you plan to make the incision?
6. What kind of knife do you use for the bris?
7. How do you sterilize your instruments?
8. What is your opinion about the pain the baby feels during the bris? Can anything be done to ease it?
9. Do you plan to see the baby before the day of the bris?
10. When is the last time the baby should eat before the bris?
11. How soon after the bris can my son eat?
12. Do you plan to make any follow-up visits in the days following the bris?
13. Do you ever need to do anything to my son, other than change his bandage, after the bris?
14. How long does the healing process take?
15. Do you have printed instructions for how to care for the bris?
16. Would you do a bris if one of the parents is not Jewish?
17. Do you offer a certificate?
18. Do you have a list of items that need to be prepared for the bris?
19. What is the wine for? Who drinks it?
20. What is your fee?
21. Do you double book brisses – will you be on time?