A Source for the Bris Party

In the grand scheme of things, Bris Milah is a mitzvah just like other commandments. Since when do we make a party just because we've fulfilled a mitzvah?

Our assumptions are incorrect because Bris Milah is a big deal. Talmudic sources talk of why Bris Milah is such a big deal (Nedarim 31b-32a). (Look it up for the many details)

The Midrash tells us in Pirkei D'Rabi Eliezer 28

ר' אומ' לא עכב אברהם מכל אשר צוהו, שנ' ובן שמנת ימים, וכשנולד יצחק בן שמנת ימים הגיש למילה שנ' וימל אברהם את יצחק בנו בן שמנת ימים, מכאן את למד שכל איש שמגיש בנו למילה, כאילו כהן גדול מקריב מנחתו ונסכו על גבי המזבח, מכאן אמרו חכמים חייב אדם לעשות שמחה ומשתה באותו היום שזכה להמול את בנו כאברהם שמל את בנו, שנ' וימל אברהם את יצחק בנו וכו'

Translation: Avraham did not neglect anything God commanded him to do, as it says "And when he is eight days old [you will circumcise him]..." When Yitzchak was born, he was brought to his bris at eight days of age, as it says "And Avraham circumcised his son when [his son] was eight days old."
We learn from here than anyone who brings his son to his bris is compared to the High Priest bringing a Mincha offering on the altar.
From this comparison the wise men taught that a person must rejoice and make a celebratory meal on the day he merits to have his son circumcised, as it says with regard to Avraham "That Avraham circumcised his son" [and the implication is that he made it into a big deal.]

There are other reasons, of course, for celebrating, but this will suffice for now (it was inspired by the teaching I found last week (presented two posts ago)).

Elijah the Prophet

At many brisses, two chairs are set up at the spot where the bris itself will take place. Ask the mohel, he'll tell you "One is for the sandak (who holds the baby during the bris), and the other is for Eliyahu Hanavi (Elijah the prophet)."

You're kidding, right?

No. The tradition to have a place set aside for Elijah at a bris is pretty old.

Let's Talk About Honorariums

From thefreedictionary.com:

hon·o·rar·i·um (n-râr-m)
       n. pl. hon·o·rar·i·ums or hon·o·rar·i·a (--)
A payment given to a professional person for services for which fees are not legally or traditionally required.
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In traditional sources, Jewish professionals - rabbis, teachers, mohels, shochets (ritual slaughterers), sofers (scribes who write Torahs, Tefillin and Mezuzahs) are not really supposed to take payment for their services rendered.
 
Practically speaking, if these people are not independently wealthy from other endeavors, you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who would continue to work in these fields. In other words, if this is their full-time line of work, or something they do from which they rely on "supplemental income," then it is important to see that they are paid appropriately for services rendered.
 

What Can Go Wrong At A Bris?

Aside from the cream cheese being moldy, and the family rabbi not being prepared to speak...

REPAIRABLE

If a mohel has, minimally, a decent reputation, he will not likely do anything during the bris that will cause permanent damage. Obviously the foreskin will be removed, but depending on what else comes off with the foreskin, even a foreskin has a possibility of regenerating.

Here are a few samples of things that can "go wrong," that are entirely fixable/correctable within a few minutes of the bris:
1. Not enough foreskin removed (talk about undercutting the competition!)
2. Excessive membrane (or ha'priah) remains, either on account of not having been touched, having been partially removed (but not completely), or on account of it looking aesthetically unpleasing
3. the glans is slightly twisted in how it sits back in the shaft, misalligned from post-bris bandaging (or natural state).

Just like after a bad haircut one can always take off more hair, if not enough skin is removed (which can happen), or not enough of the or ha'priah is removed, it is always possible to fix. And if a mohel notices or realizes it either during the bris or upon checking the baby right after the bris, the best time to take care of it is that moment.

Monitoring the News

There are some crusades which are just a little too reminiscent of bad stages in Jewish history. (It is ironic that this story came out in the weeks prior to Hanukkah - see the third sentence here as well)

There is a man in San Francisco who is reportedly gathering signatures for a petition to make it illegal to circumcise minors - which of course translates to anyone under the age of 18. The petition will merely allow the issue to be put to a general vote in the near future, which can always lose at the ballot box. But in San Francisco, who knows what can happen?

I am not going to go into the legalities beyond suggesting that such a ban is unconstitutional simply because it would step on the toes of religious freedom (for those religions such as Judaism that require circumcision), and also puts the law into people's private lives in a way that seems to be illegal according to US law.

What I Learned in the Operating Room

I have had the privilege of observing pediatric surgeons, pediatric urologists, and adult urologists operate in the operating room. Sometimes it was at their invitation, sometimes at my request, and sometimes at the insistence of the parents.

With the adult urologists (I use the term to differentiate from pediatric urologists - all urologists are adults), I learned much about the anatomy of the penis, the foreskin, the mucosal membrane underneath the foreskin, the glans, and the delicacy and intrigue of the male organ from a medical standpoint.

With the pediatric urologists and surgeons, I was present when the circumcision to be done was extremely complicated,

The Wrong Attitude Is Not to Ask

Someone recently called our home from New York. She gave birth to a boy a few weeks ago, and the bris took place on time – the services of a local NY mohel were obtained.

In her conversation with my wife, she indicated she had a few concerns and questions about her son's bris, so I was given the phone to offer a mohel's perspective and to put her mind at ease.

After describing the way the mohel had instructed her to oversee her baby's healing process, and giving the best explanation she could of what things looked like, she kept asking, "Is this normal?"

From the information that was shared, and obviously without having seen the baby, I felt that while the prognosis was not standard, with time all would heal properly and look fine.

I had a few questions of my own: Did the mohel explain everything that you'd see? (No). Did he give you instructions how to care for the bris? (Yes) Did he walk you through the process in advance? (No) Was he nice to you? (Yes – everyone uses him) Just because everyone hires him does not mean everyone has a nice experience – overall, do you think you would call him again? (No). Why not? (Uhhhh)

Then came what, to my mind, was the most disturbing comment in the conversation. "Now that I've had this experience, if I ever have a son again I'll know what to ask in advance, and I'll do it right."

[INSERT BUZZER SOUND]

Wrong thing to say!

Don't Make Your Son Into Your Experiment

Let us remember that each child is precious. That we want the best for every child. And, as best as possible, we should do what is right the first time around.

This means that if you are a parent, you must ask all the questions BEFORE your son's bris, even and ESPECIALLY if it is your first son.

[I will grant that if you've had a positive experience with a mohel in the past and trust the man completely, then you need not go through everything again – that is your choice, and I feel it is justified. But the conversation should be had with any mohel you are employing for the first time for your family – even if you've had (a) son(s) before!]

Some Links about IMPORTANT QUESTIONS

A list of 21 questions,
Triple C - Ceremony, Care, Complications
An old post about this subject of doing research beforehand
The 4 Most Important Questions ("how much will it cost?" is not one of them!)

News Out of Israel

In an article today in Israeli newspaper "Yediot Aharonot" (the Hebrew article is available online here, and the English version is available here), a mohel in the northern part of Israel has been put under a cloud on account of "not doing brisses" according to Jewish law. The article does not call into question the individual's piety or intentions, but that as a practitioner who is required to produce a particular end result according to Jewish law, his practices have produced circumcisions that required regular touch-ups.

The cause for the touch-ups: Not removing enough foreskin.

I've blogged about this before: See here and here and here

It is also important to note that as much as cosmetic touch-ups are annoying and no one should ever need to go through them - not baby and not his parents - the good news is that the surgical touch up usually produces excellent cosmetic results. And if I were to have a choice, I would likely prefer the surgeon have something to work with (the extra skin that was not removed) than to have the baby at the mercy of having had too much skin removed.

Bris For Conversion

There are a few occasions that would warrant what is called in rabbinic terminology "Milah L'Shem Geirut" - מילה לשם גירות - circumcision for the sake of conversion.

1. When a Jewish couple adopts a non-Jewish baby and are committed to raising him according to their lifestyle.

2. When a couple converts to Judaism, and their children convert along with them. Any males who have not been circumcised - from father to adult children to babies - require such a circumcision.

Testimonials

The number of testimonials below reflects only those who have found the time to share their experiences. Others have had glowing thanks, emails and "reviews" but if they don't make it public, I respect their privacy. [typically if one doesn't post here right after the bris, it usually slips the mind]. I don't typically solicit testimonials, so I appreciate everyone who does take the time to share their positive experiences!

If you have any feedback that will help others utilize the same service you received (patience, caring, information, sterility, cleanliness, sensitivity), feel free to leave them in the comments.

If you are comfortable leaving a name or email address, that would be appreciated as well. (if you write it out like "avbillet at gmail dot com" that will help avoid potential spammers - though you may get inquiries from real parents looking to hear from someone other than me about their bris experience.)

Thank you for your trust in me, your patience, and for including me in this special time in your lives, the birth and bris of your son. And if you leave contact information, thank you for availing yourself to others seeking a similar experience to your own.

Avi Billet