It's Worth A Phone Call

Someone from NY recently told me of a negative story they had with their bris. Details are not important - while the episode is forgettable, the baby is ok - which is the most important thing.

When the story was recounted, the person said, "We wish you could have been the mohel."

To which I said, "Then why didn't you call?"

"O. We thought you wouldn't be interested in traveling."

Au contraire!

Certainly there are times when my schedule does not allow for me to make a trip. But I enjoy traveling for a bris, and I make every effort to to attend the Brisses that are a flight away! because those trips are the most fun for me on a personal level.

As for cost - don't worry about it. If it's not feasible because of the airline flight, we'll discuss that. But a standard budget for a bris usually adequately covers the travel and bris expenses.

So pick up the phone and call me, and let's discuss the options - as we AVOID the negative stories due to my overprotective approach to doing the bris on time and giving the baby the best possible care. 

Wild Opinion Piece

Haaretz published an opinion piece that is so wild, it is indicative of where some elements of the Jewish world are headed. (Reproduced below in case it gets lost behind a paywall.)

  A few false assumptions at the end (the suggested paradox), and then of course, this line:

 Here are the facts: there is no Jewish death penalty. We do not put out eyes or cut off hands. There are no rabbinic executioners, or people who amputate limbs for violations of Jewish law. All that are left are the mohalim – those who are specially trained to perform circumcisions." 

 We never put out eyes or cut off hands in all of our history (an eye for an eye was always interpreted to be a monetary punishment). And the Talmud flatly rejects death penalties, for all cases except murder, and even winces at the suggestion that we have such a right in murder cases.

But there is no evidence anywhere prior to the advent of Reform Jewry (which today has Berit Milah Boards and hundreds of certified mohels) as well as post-modern liberal (read emotional and not intellectual or religious) "Jewish" thinking which supported such a notion that Bris Milah is to be rejected. The Talmud unabashedly praised Bris Milah assigning it numerous Covenants, blessings and rewards, as well as saying that when the Jewish people sacrificed for it (as we have for millenia), it was maintained in our ranks.

  The Covenant has always reigned supreme.

The Special Role of Mohel

Of the last few brisses I have performed, a number of them have been for people I have known for a very long time. Of the fathers: A friend from college (15 years), a former camper of mine (18 years (though I know the mother's family for almost 30 years)), family friends (I know the father since he was 6 - for over 20 years).

Being brought into the family circle when I'm already in the family circle is super special. Not too many people know their mohel personally. And the truth is, it it probably awkward for people to make the phone call out of the blue to a person who is in this line of work.

But as my college friend remarked at his son's bris - when he first found out I was a mohel (I already was when we were in college), all he could think was (long before he was married, and long before any child was on the way) "You are never going near my child." And now, all he could think was, "I wouldn't want anyone else to serve as my son's mohel."

It is ALWAYS an honor to serve. I try to get to know everyone in the time I spend with every family. Some families are very straightforward. Some families have an infectious sense of humor. Some like to hear as much information as I can provide. Some have very few questions and are very trusting. Some are more nervous. Some are chilled out.

Having a very long history with people brings the relationship to a whole new level. And thank God for social media, I maintain contact with people now in ways that was more difficult before.

But it is such an honor, every time I meet people with their son(s) and they introduce the boy with a smile and say, "He was your mohel. Do you remember him?" I usually do, the boy usually does not. Knowing that I was able to help the father with his "shlichut" (agency) to help him fulfill his mitzvah, and that it is something which is forever remembered and appreciated, is a gift that is hard to top.

Thank you for the privilege!

And.... We're back!

Summer is over, and we have returned to Florida.

I look forward to further servicing your bris needs... I look forward to being in touch and working with your family through this special time in your lives.

A.B.

Summer Plans 2014

I am away from South Florida for the summer.

If you are having a baby in July, it is unlikely I will be able to make the trip back to Florida for the bris.

If your baby is born in the second half of August (or if the bris will be delayed until the last week of August) I will more than likely be available in Florida.

Of course, if you'd like me to serve as your mohel in New York over the summer (I already had a bris on Friday) please be in touch. I am happy to serve as a "Mohel in New York" over the summer!

Metzitzah Clarification

Google my name and the word metzitzah and if you don't click any of the links you'd get the wrong impression.

Several years ago, I was contacted by a woman who was writing an article for a local Florida online newspaper, because news came through the wires of a baby who died on account of herpes contracted from the ritual of metzitzah as performed by a certain mohel in NY. Which obviously was not me.

The story went viral and I was quoted in many a news source, including the Huffington post!

I put together the metzitzah page because of that  story.

But I was asked today how I personally do metzitzah - and if it was unclear in my website, here is the official clarification:

I do metzitzah because the Talmud warns mohels against avoiding it.

I use a sterile tube (stuffed with gauze) to accomplish the metzitzah in a sterile manner, not putting the mohel, or the baby, at risk.

And I am grateful that my sterile technique and parents' subsequent care have kept all of my bris boys away from post-op medical care. I am unaware of any infections from my brisses. 

BARUCH HASHEM!!

Moheling Around

One of the more unknown (or undiscussed) aspects of being in the mohel field is the back story that comes with every bris.

It's true that many parents are first-time parents, or first-time-having-a-bris parents (they have a girl or girls), but some people have incredible back stories that have brought them to this day. 

For some parents it is an illness, or a spiritual journey; some babies had "issues" which were discovered by the sonogram or after birth, some babies are results of much fertilization medical intervention (a.k.a extra special miracles).

Some circumstances involve unexpected babies, either on account of age, or on account of medical history of parents. I've dealt with many IVF babies, a few surrogate babies, and a few adoption/conversions.

I've done hatafat dam brit on babies that were circumcised in a hospital, on adults who were circumcised in a hospital before the eighth day, and on adult converts.

It is always an honor to be brought into the inner circle, and a privilege to play a role in promoting the Covenant of God and Abraham, of God and the Jewish people.

Recent articles about Bris and Circumcision

I have a Facebook page to which I keep an intermittent commentary about some of my brisses, as well as a social commentary about bris milah and circumcision, when the topic is written about for newspapers and websites. Seems there's no end to this conversation.

Anyway, here are some of the articles I've posted recently on Facebook.

With the comments I shared about them in Bold
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http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/news/headlines-breaking-stories/212542/a-bris-performed-by-a-mohel-less-likely-to-result-in-complications-then-if-performed-by-an-md.html

Poor writing and odd reporting, but this is something I have heard anecdotally from the touch-up people (pediatric urologists and pediatric surgeons) for a long time. 
And to the title I will add the word "Reputable" - as in "Performed by a Reputable Mohel." Carrying the title doesn't make a person perfect and not subject to human frailties.
[I am humored by the photo, which shows a "forbidden" Mogen clamp, something "supposedly" no mohels in Israel use.]
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http://www.activebeat.com/your-health/children/the-pros-and-cons-of-circumcising-your-baby-boy/?utm_source=outbrain&utm_campaign=activebeat_mobile&utm_medium=cpc

We're doing this anyway. But here are different sides to the circumcision debate. 
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http://m.forward.com/articles/195306/rabbi-performs-controversial-metzitzah-bpeh-circum/

A horrific article in the Forward. 
Every excuse the mohel gives comets from the vilest, most bigoted place. And it ignores the reality that this is AT MOST a custom that really has NO PLACE in the 21st century. 
Do metzitzah with a gauze-stuffed tube/pipette and quit legitimizing your irrational and WRONG behavior under the guise of tradition. Inauthentic Judaism at its finest turning people away.
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http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-4504242,00.html - 'Intactivists' protest against circumcision in Washington

Oy vey

Dear Husband

I have written several notes to the father about what is expected of him before and during the bris.

Here is one about the things the father needs to do, and one about whether/when/if the father opts to make the incision himself. Now I venture out of mohel role for a moment, as I talk to you as a friend and a father, who was a husband before being a father, and more than likely before becoming your friend.

Part II - a note to grandparents (please share with parents or in-laws, but only if it will be helpful to your situation

Dear Husband,

Congratulations on the birth of your new son! I am sure this is a moment you have been waiting for - for a long time. You have a boy, a son who will carry your name, to whom you can teach everything you want, from sports, to interests, to Torah, to the great upbringing you will undoubtedly provide for him.

But this is not a letter to you, the father. This is a letter to you, the husband.

Look at the woman who just gave birth to this child. Remember that for nine months she endured a pregnancy and all that goes with it. Whether she loved her pregnancy or hated it, whether she had cravings or did not, whether she was more beautiful than ever or pregnancy did things to her (ie morning sickness, bloating, etc) you could have never imagined, whether she got pregnant easily or it was an ordeal (which you both went through), remember that she went through all of this for YOU.

You have a mitzvah to have a child. She does not. She may WANT to have a child, but it is her choice. She becomes the vessel through which you fulfill your obligation to "be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth."

Conception takes a second. Pregnancy is a long ordeal. Your job is simple. Hers is much harder.

And remember who will more likely experience more sleepless nights (especially if she is nursing)? Who is likely to be more involved in the raising of your son?

Please don't think I am accusing any father of shirking his responsibilities as a father. 

But don't forget your responsibility as a husband. Appreciate your wife, the mother of your child. Love her. Cherish her. Honor her. Respect her. Be patient with her.

Birth is a stressful time. The bris could be a very stressful time. It requires a different kind of resilience to make it through this time period with no regrets.

I am so happy to report that I have seen incredible acts of kindness and chesed and concern and care displayed between husband and wife and vice versa in the days when I am present in the home, shortly after the birth (before bris), at the bris, and certainly after the bris.

At the same time (and this is why I write to you, husband of Amazing Woman), I have seen too many people get into regrettable arguments (in my presence!) over what are usually (in my opinion) the silliest of things - about the honors for the bris, who will be involved, etc; about who will change the diaper, who will get the diapers or the wipes, whose turn it is, etc; over who contributes more to this marriage...

Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! And I'll add an "oy vey" for good measure! Even if you need to have the fights, please PLEASE have them AFTER I leave. 

But I wonder if it is even necessary, dear husband. Because you should be looking for EVERY opportunity to give your wife a break, to not have to make her climb stairs, to not have her run around looking for things, to not have to change every diaper. And if she is forgetful or if she gets impatient, or if things don't go exactly your way, let it go. The only pass I'll give you is if the baby is exclusively nursing (a move I applaud and encourage, for the baby's sake - as long as Mommy can handle it), you don't have to feed him.

Remember why you got into this in the first place - marriage, baby, the whole megillah. The baby should enhance your love, admiration, respect for and appreciation of one another. He should not bring about unnecessary stress and tension between you.

As to how you deal with your in-laws? For that you're on your own. :)

I care about your dear and precious wife who has done more for you in the last week months of your lives than you could ever do for her. God bless her. And you should too.

All the best

Avi Billet

The Inauthenticity of "Authenticity"

A mohel in NY called me recently because he was watching a bris on YouTube at which I was the mohel, and he had a comment about the timing of my putting on my gloves. His observation was duly noted, but I had to inform him that I wear two pairs of gloves, the top one protecting the lower pair in the moments leading up to the bris.

I find it much easier and quicker to take off a pair of gloves, rather than put them on, at the moment I am ready to begin.

Apparently my back was 'facing' the camera. He rewatched it and was able to discern, by the sound and the pause, that what I said was accurate. A few minutes later, he texted me that he "got it," and we shared a few tidbits about the trade.

Please understand - I was so appreciative of the phone call! Because here is a mohel who understands that sterility is no joke, and the appearance of sterility must meet with a reality of sterility.

So this was a breath of fresh air. Because the truth is, there is a world of mohels and their legitimizers who believe that the way that Abraham circumcised, and the way our ancestors in Europe circumcised, is the only authentic way to do it.

Whether they are against the use of the pipette for metzitzah, a hemostat for efficiency, a shield for protection of the glans (shudder!), gloves for sterility, or the highest standards of sterility that could be maintained outside of the Operating Room (because heaven forfend the bris koidesh should be viewed as surgery in any way - this is not a medical procedure! This is a mitzvah!), their vision of "maintaining authenticity" makes a mockery of medical advances, germ theories, and safety precautions that should be standard fare for every mohel who "operates" (yes, operates) on any child.

The truth is that the only authentic bris is the one that presents no inherent possibility of danger to the baby, beyond what the Torah obligates - that the foreskin be removed accompanied by the blood of the circumcision. Pain should be minimal, bleeding should be minimal, and risk of infection or damage should be NONEXISTENT.

This is authentic. This is living up to the tradition and covenant of Avraham Avinu.