Welcome to my blog about bris/t milah, and about being a mohel!
I hope you find the content of the blog informative and helpful in the research you are doing to find the right mohel for your son.
This entry is more of an advertisement than a traditional "blog" (since when can a blog be categorized as "traditional" anyway? There were no blogs in "Fiddler"!)
Whether you live in a place that has many mohels, or a place that has zero mohels, I invite you to consider engaging my services as your son's mohel, for a number of reasons:
1. I will speak with you about every aspect of the bris: logistics, details, family sensitivities, etc., to make sure you are 100% comfortable and emotionally prepared for the roller coaster that is the day of the bris. I am available on the phone almost always, and if you leave a message, I will get back to you quickly.
2. I am the world's biggest stickler for creating and maintaining a sterile field and sterile environment for the bris. There is no compromising in making sure the ultimate care is taken to assure nothing negative - such as an infection - will result from the bris.
3. You will not find a more easy-going and time-giving mohel. I make sure you know everything you need to know, and everything you want to know as far as what I am doing or need to do or as far as how to take care of your baby when I am not around.
4. You get full details about how to care for the baby, what you will see, how long things take to heal
5. I check the baby immediately after the bris and a few hours later. The efficiency with which this is done assures your son has the most aesthetically pleasing circumcision, and that he requires the most minimal care on your part by the time my role is finished. You do not have to deal with bandages that are on long term, and you do not have to take off any bandages or deal with any bleeding. This is a full service operation.
6. The cost to you can be within your budget. Because travel expenses vary, I am happy to talk with you to determine what can work. Everything is spelled out here. If you have other local mohel options, we'll have an open conversation about what works for you and me as I am somewhat flexible. If you must fly in a mohel in any case, your options become limited, so we'll have that open conversation as well.
I am quite serious about the offer to travel - even great distances. Check out my other site http://www.travelingmohel.com/
So. Whether you (or someone you know) live(s) in a remote area and need a mohel (recommendations are always appreciated!), or you want a mohel who suits your needs best and most identifies with the Judaism you practice, we should have a conversation. Even if it won't be me, I can help you make sure you find the right person, and give you information that will help you make sure you know "exactly" what is going on, and that you are taking charge of your son's entry into the mark of the covenant.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Why Can't the Baby Eat Before the Bris?
I generally recommend that the last pre-bris feeding take place 90 minutes before the bris.
For babies who drink formula, this usually does not present a problem, as they are usually on a schedule.
But for babies who nurse (I am happy to report that the number of nursing moms is on the rise), this presents a bit of a problem. My wife likes to call herself "Mommy's 24-hour open bar," so I understand very well how nursing moms like to provide when baby asks. And this is a wonderful thing. One might argue that the only downside of nursing is that babies love it! and don't want to give mommy a break.
Before a bris, however, the problem is twofold.
A: Nursing during the bris is impossible - for obvious reasons.
B: The baby's system needs to be cleaned out in anticipation of the bris.
I assume I don't have to explain the first reason, so here is the explanation for reason "B."
The baby will be crying in a way he might not be consolable while the bris or bandage change is taking place, and if he happens to have recent food in his system, there is a good chance he'll spit it up. "Spitting up baby + crying and can't be moved due to position he is in when caring for his circumcision wound" is not an equation we want to deal with.
For babies who drink formula, this usually does not present a problem, as they are usually on a schedule.
But for babies who nurse (I am happy to report that the number of nursing moms is on the rise), this presents a bit of a problem. My wife likes to call herself "Mommy's 24-hour open bar," so I understand very well how nursing moms like to provide when baby asks. And this is a wonderful thing. One might argue that the only downside of nursing is that babies love it! and don't want to give mommy a break.
Before a bris, however, the problem is twofold.
A: Nursing during the bris is impossible - for obvious reasons.
B: The baby's system needs to be cleaned out in anticipation of the bris.
I assume I don't have to explain the first reason, so here is the explanation for reason "B."
The baby will be crying in a way he might not be consolable while the bris or bandage change is taking place, and if he happens to have recent food in his system, there is a good chance he'll spit it up. "Spitting up baby + crying and can't be moved due to position he is in when caring for his circumcision wound" is not an equation we want to deal with.
The best I can recommend if the 90 minute window does not work for you is to try to estimate how much time he can handle, so he'll be ready for a good feeding (nice and hungry) 15 minutes after the bris is scheduled to begin.
After the bris he can eat all he wants.
But it is not worth risking a spit up during the bris or when I am checking his bandage right after the bris. Choking baby is much worse than crying baby.
I hope you will agree.
After the bris he can eat all he wants.
But it is not worth risking a spit up during the bris or when I am checking his bandage right after the bris. Choking baby is much worse than crying baby.
I hope you will agree.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Prioritizing our questions
I've received a number of calls in the last couple of weeks, from people who are doing their research before baby arrives. I mean this with all sincerity - kudos to you! It it so important to do proper research before the baby arrives.
The question I hear most often is about the "cost." Let me assure you this is not an issue - I graciously accept whatever you offer. [Note from 1/2/11 - here is a new posting on the subject] [And yet another posting on why Costs should not be a determining factor - August 2011]
While it is most understandable that this is a top question, at the same time, I feel that other questions which should be at the top are not asked at all.
Are there ever complications?
What is the healing process like?
What are your methods for maintaining sterility? (See the second half of the link)
How will you treat our baby and how will you treat us?
More examples of Important questions can be found here and here (this second one is the same as the link above, but the questions in it focus more on things you ought to be asking yourself - to help you decide what you want out of the bris experience).
Let's talk!
The question I hear most often is about the "cost." Let me assure you this is not an issue - I graciously accept whatever you offer. [Note from 1/2/11 - here is a new posting on the subject] [And yet another posting on why Costs should not be a determining factor - August 2011]
While it is most understandable that this is a top question, at the same time, I feel that other questions which should be at the top are not asked at all.
Are there ever complications?
What is the healing process like?
What are your methods for maintaining sterility? (See the second half of the link)
How will you treat our baby and how will you treat us?
More examples of Important questions can be found here and here (this second one is the same as the link above, but the questions in it focus more on things you ought to be asking yourself - to help you decide what you want out of the bris experience).
Let's talk!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
What is a "Kvatter"?
The role of the "kvatter" is to bring the baby from the mom to the dad at the start of the bris ceremony.
The term is Yiddish, and probably comes from the term "K'fater" which means "like the father." Those of Germanic descent might pronounce the word "g'fotter" with an "umlaut" over the "e" (the "e" should be pronounced like the "e" in "yes," as opposed to rolled over as it is in "fodder").
[Update 11/2014 - In the book "Minhagei Worms" (customs of the city of Worms), the author notes a custom that the woman who would take the baby from the mother (who is called the "Sandeket") would give the mother a gift called the "גיפאטר שאפט" (Gifater Shoft) in order to distract the mother from the pain her child is about to go through as she enjoys her new gift. I don't know what the literal translation of the term is (though "שאפט/shoft" seems to mean "community"), but clearly "G'fater" relates to our word in question.]
The word may also come from a diminutive or derivative of "Godfather."
There are different customs related to who is honored to play this role, particularly as pertains to what is called a "segulah" - a special merit to achieve a certain result.
This is not the place to discuss the general benefits of "segulah"s - but there is a nice list of segulahs at the "In the Pink" blog - you can read it here. [I don't recommend the last one for "getting pregnant" - and I happen to think it is a mistake. There is no way that anyone "really" ever did that. At least I hope I am correct]
The major "segulah" of this role is for people who are not yet parents to merit to become parents. Just as they are participating in the bris, just as the woman and man are "like" the mother and father of the baby in the way they are bringing him to his bris, they should merit to have a child, and if he's a boy, to bring him to his bris.
Brief History
Before the age of the mega-mom and the DIY ladies of today, whom we admire very much, by the way, women would not attend a bris in the way they do now. The mother might be in a different room or building, possibly being forced to rest by all her relatives or attendants after having given birth, and the baby would be brought to his bris.
Who would bring the baby? A woman who is trustworthy to the mother.
Who would she give the baby to? The baby's father, surely, except that it was considered immodest for a woman to hand something to a man, who is not her husband, in a public ceremony. So she would give the baby to her husband, who would bring the baby to his (baby's) father.
Present Day
I have not yet met a mother who chose to hide in a room somewhere while the bris takes place elsewhere. So why do we still have the kvatter? Let the mother bring her son to his bris!
There are a few reasons why the kvatter is still used, and other thoughts to consider when choosing a kvatter.
1. Married couples who observe the laws of "niddah" are not supposed to pass things to each other, on account of rules which limit certain practices between husband and wife during the niddah period. While "niddah" status is usually a private affair, a woman who has given birth is known to be in the status of "niddah" on account of her having given birth, so in a public Jewish ceremony, we help them follow the rules by having the "kvatter" couple as their go-between.
2. Some situations and circumstances do not make the mother's entrance possible, such as in certain synagogues or smaller rooms which have limited space. As such, the male half of the kvatter is in the room anyway and he'll take the baby from his wife to bring him to the ceremony.
3. The segulah to have a child is something that some people put a lot of stock in. Why not give them the opportunity, if it would be meaningful to them?
4. In a ceremony with limited participation - most of the honors consist of holding the baby briefly - it provides an opportunity to have more people hold the baby. Many people like to get additional "kvatter people" involved to give additional grandmothers, great aunts, friends and the like the opportunity to participate. It also provides more opportunities for photographs.
My rule in this respect (#4) is simple. Let the women pass the baby first, and the last woman gives the baby to her husband before other men pick up the hand-offs.
What if I don't have any childless married friends? Do I need to find such a couple? (Or - Who else could serve as kvatter?)
No. The couple should ideally be married to one another. Some people give it to the baby's aunt and uncle, or a great-aunt and great-uncle, or even the baby's grandparents. In the case that a married couple is not available, or they are being utilized for something else, the honor can also be given to a male-female team whose contact with one another would not be considered "immodest" in a public Jewish ceremony: for example, a mother/son or a father/daughter team. I guess a brother/sister team could also work.
Update - I made an interesting discovery in 2017 that touches upon this topic
What if the couple I want to include as kvatter are expecting - in other words, the wife is currently pregnant?
It really depends. Technically they don't have a baby yet, so the "segulah" could still apply. Some who are superstitious might view their being kvatter as a curse on their unborn baby (I believe this to be nonsense). Some feel that an expectant couple don't "need" to play this role.
May they be kvatters? Yes. Is it commonly done? No.
What if there is a couple with no kids that have been kvatter many times?
If they do believe in the segulah and want to play the role again, it is appropriate to give it to them as many times as possible.
BUT... be sensitive!
If they seem to be remorseful, or if it seems to be embarrassing to them because "everyone" knows they are "always" the kvatter couple, and "everyone" sees every time that they "still don't have kids" - which, of course, is nobody's business, then give the honor to somebody else.
Bottom Line
Follow the rules of a couple or appropriate tag-team, and give the honor to someone you care about and/or love.
p.s. Afterthought question
For those who follow the laws of niddah, what happens if the kvatter couple themselves are in a state of niddah?
There are two approaches:
1. This is nobody's business, and as it is a public ceremony, it does not matter. You should not be asking them, and they certainly should not be offering such information.
2. In some circles and some communities, the wife bring the baby in on two pillows, and the husband takes the baby and only the top pillow. In this way, the possibility of the wife handing the husband the baby is taken away. And as "everyone" does it this way, it removes any uncomfortable situations or needs for explaining.
The term is Yiddish, and probably comes from the term "K'fater" which means "like the father." Those of Germanic descent might pronounce the word "g'fotter" with an "umlaut" over the "e" (the "e" should be pronounced like the "e" in "yes," as opposed to rolled over as it is in "fodder").
[Update 11/2014 - In the book "Minhagei Worms" (customs of the city of Worms), the author notes a custom that the woman who would take the baby from the mother (who is called the "Sandeket") would give the mother a gift called the "גיפאטר שאפט" (Gifater Shoft) in order to distract the mother from the pain her child is about to go through as she enjoys her new gift. I don't know what the literal translation of the term is (though "שאפט/shoft" seems to mean "community"), but clearly "G'fater" relates to our word in question.]
The word may also come from a diminutive or derivative of "Godfather."
There are different customs related to who is honored to play this role, particularly as pertains to what is called a "segulah" - a special merit to achieve a certain result.
This is not the place to discuss the general benefits of "segulah"s - but there is a nice list of segulahs at the "In the Pink" blog - you can read it here. [I don't recommend the last one for "getting pregnant" - and I happen to think it is a mistake. There is no way that anyone "really" ever did that. At least I hope I am correct]
The major "segulah" of this role is for people who are not yet parents to merit to become parents. Just as they are participating in the bris, just as the woman and man are "like" the mother and father of the baby in the way they are bringing him to his bris, they should merit to have a child, and if he's a boy, to bring him to his bris.
Brief History
Before the age of the mega-mom and the DIY ladies of today, whom we admire very much, by the way, women would not attend a bris in the way they do now. The mother might be in a different room or building, possibly being forced to rest by all her relatives or attendants after having given birth, and the baby would be brought to his bris.
Who would bring the baby? A woman who is trustworthy to the mother.
Who would she give the baby to? The baby's father, surely, except that it was considered immodest for a woman to hand something to a man, who is not her husband, in a public ceremony. So she would give the baby to her husband, who would bring the baby to his (baby's) father.
Present Day
I have not yet met a mother who chose to hide in a room somewhere while the bris takes place elsewhere. So why do we still have the kvatter? Let the mother bring her son to his bris!
There are a few reasons why the kvatter is still used, and other thoughts to consider when choosing a kvatter.
1. Married couples who observe the laws of "niddah" are not supposed to pass things to each other, on account of rules which limit certain practices between husband and wife during the niddah period. While "niddah" status is usually a private affair, a woman who has given birth is known to be in the status of "niddah" on account of her having given birth, so in a public Jewish ceremony, we help them follow the rules by having the "kvatter" couple as their go-between.
2. Some situations and circumstances do not make the mother's entrance possible, such as in certain synagogues or smaller rooms which have limited space. As such, the male half of the kvatter is in the room anyway and he'll take the baby from his wife to bring him to the ceremony.
3. The segulah to have a child is something that some people put a lot of stock in. Why not give them the opportunity, if it would be meaningful to them?
4. In a ceremony with limited participation - most of the honors consist of holding the baby briefly - it provides an opportunity to have more people hold the baby. Many people like to get additional "kvatter people" involved to give additional grandmothers, great aunts, friends and the like the opportunity to participate. It also provides more opportunities for photographs.
My rule in this respect (#4) is simple. Let the women pass the baby first, and the last woman gives the baby to her husband before other men pick up the hand-offs.
What if I don't have any childless married friends? Do I need to find such a couple? (Or - Who else could serve as kvatter?)
No. The couple should ideally be married to one another. Some people give it to the baby's aunt and uncle, or a great-aunt and great-uncle, or even the baby's grandparents. In the case that a married couple is not available, or they are being utilized for something else, the honor can also be given to a male-female team whose contact with one another would not be considered "immodest" in a public Jewish ceremony: for example, a mother/son or a father/daughter team. I guess a brother/sister team could also work.
Update - I made an interesting discovery in 2017 that touches upon this topic
What if the couple I want to include as kvatter are expecting - in other words, the wife is currently pregnant?
It really depends. Technically they don't have a baby yet, so the "segulah" could still apply. Some who are superstitious might view their being kvatter as a curse on their unborn baby (I believe this to be nonsense). Some feel that an expectant couple don't "need" to play this role.
May they be kvatters? Yes. Is it commonly done? No.
What if there is a couple with no kids that have been kvatter many times?
If they do believe in the segulah and want to play the role again, it is appropriate to give it to them as many times as possible.
BUT... be sensitive!
If they seem to be remorseful, or if it seems to be embarrassing to them because "everyone" knows they are "always" the kvatter couple, and "everyone" sees every time that they "still don't have kids" - which, of course, is nobody's business, then give the honor to somebody else.
Bottom Line
Follow the rules of a couple or appropriate tag-team, and give the honor to someone you care about and/or love.
p.s. Afterthought question
For those who follow the laws of niddah, what happens if the kvatter couple themselves are in a state of niddah?
There are two approaches:
1. This is nobody's business, and as it is a public ceremony, it does not matter. You should not be asking them, and they certainly should not be offering such information.
2. In some circles and some communities, the wife bring the baby in on two pillows, and the husband takes the baby and only the top pillow. In this way, the possibility of the wife handing the husband the baby is taken away. And as "everyone" does it this way, it removes any uncomfortable situations or needs for explaining.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Methods of Circumcision
Most parents looking to have their son circumcised just want it to be done as efficiently as possible, as speedily as possible, with minimal pain to the baby.
Of course they'd prefer the circumcision be aesthetically pleasing, and that the circumcision heals sooner than later with no complications.
When doing research about ANY mohel, the end results are important. (I've written elsewhere about the demeanor and the ceremony and the need for things to be done at your speed.) And most people leave the method to achieving those end results up to the mohel, and how he feels most comfortable getting there.
However, there is not "only" one way to circumcise. And if it is important to you, it is important to ask about methods, and to inquire if the mohel can accomodate your desires.
Please note that I use Method #2 presented below and as described at the end of this post.
There are some methods which are questionable according to some (in some cases, many) rabbinic opinions. There are others which are standard - even if the "innovation" in them is "only" hundreds of years old. And there is old-school, bare bones (literally), which is advocated by few.
Sadly, those who advocate the latter method often knock everyone else, even going so far as to declare other circumcisions "unkosher" and requiring hatafat dam brit - a ceremonial drawing of blood from the circumcision scar that would "kosherize" the bris. This is not only a form of lashon hara and rechilut (talebearing), but is a lie, a form of fear-mongering, and does nothing but increase hatred amongst Jews.
Hmmmmm. That last paragraph was a mouthful. Take a deep breath and let's move on to methods:
INTRODUCTION
Bris Milah has three steps:
1. Milah - the removal of the foreskin
2. Priah - the removal of the membrane that is found between the foreskin and the glans
3. Metzitzah - drawing of "distant" blood
The foreskin is drawn forward and removed. The membrane is often removed with the foreskin. If it is not completely removed, then it is torn and folded back beyond the glans. Finally, blood is drawn from the wound.
In the interest of space, the methods described will not include metzitzah, which will be the subject of different posts.
And I will leave the issue of whether the mohel is wearing gloves up to you, the parents, as well. I've addressed this in a number of posts already. [Search "sterility" in the keywords]
Method #1. Clamp
Of course they'd prefer the circumcision be aesthetically pleasing, and that the circumcision heals sooner than later with no complications.
When doing research about ANY mohel, the end results are important. (I've written elsewhere about the demeanor and the ceremony and the need for things to be done at your speed.) And most people leave the method to achieving those end results up to the mohel, and how he feels most comfortable getting there.
However, there is not "only" one way to circumcise. And if it is important to you, it is important to ask about methods, and to inquire if the mohel can accomodate your desires.
Please note that I use Method #2 presented below and as described at the end of this post.
There are some methods which are questionable according to some (in some cases, many) rabbinic opinions. There are others which are standard - even if the "innovation" in them is "only" hundreds of years old. And there is old-school, bare bones (literally), which is advocated by few.
Sadly, those who advocate the latter method often knock everyone else, even going so far as to declare other circumcisions "unkosher" and requiring hatafat dam brit - a ceremonial drawing of blood from the circumcision scar that would "kosherize" the bris. This is not only a form of lashon hara and rechilut (talebearing), but is a lie, a form of fear-mongering, and does nothing but increase hatred amongst Jews.
Hmmmmm. That last paragraph was a mouthful. Take a deep breath and let's move on to methods:
INTRODUCTION
Bris Milah has three steps:
1. Milah - the removal of the foreskin
2. Priah - the removal of the membrane that is found between the foreskin and the glans
3. Metzitzah - drawing of "distant" blood
The foreskin is drawn forward and removed. The membrane is often removed with the foreskin. If it is not completely removed, then it is torn and folded back beyond the glans. Finally, blood is drawn from the wound.
In the interest of space, the methods described will not include metzitzah, which will be the subject of different posts.
And I will leave the issue of whether the mohel is wearing gloves up to you, the parents, as well. I've addressed this in a number of posts already. [Search "sterility" in the keywords]
Method #1. Clamp
The foreskin and membrane are grasped with a hemostat and a clamp is applied to the foreskin. There are two kinds of clamps that have been utilized by mohels over the last sixty years. The first is the Gomco (on the right in the photo), which is often the method of choice for doctors in hospitals, but is not largely used by mohels. The second is the Mogen or Bronstein clamp (on the left), which is the method of choice for many mohels in the US (though most Orthodox mohels, including me, do NOT use it). The foreskin and membrane are then removed together in one incision, with a scalpel or bris knife.
Method #2. Shield
The foreskin and membrane are grasped either with a hemostat (as in method #1) or skillfully with the fingers. A metal plate with a thin slit is applied to the foreskin, leaving the foreskin resting above the plate, with the glans safely shielded below. A scalpel or bris knife is used to excise the foreskin.
If the membrane is removed along with the foreskin, metzitzah follows.
If the membrane is not completely removed along with the foreskin, it will either be cut with scissors, or the mohel will tear it with his sharpened thumbnails - in both cases to reveal the entire glans.
Method #3. Free hand
Without using any device other than a blade, the mohel will estimate the length of the foreskin, grasp it with the thumb and forefinger of one hand and excise the foreskin with the knife in his other hand.
Membrane removal will follow that of method #2. Metzitzah will follow.
PROS AND CONS OF THE METHODS
Obviously, the "con" of the baby having skin tissue removed and being subject to the pain of circumcision, and any bleeding are a given. If you are having your baby circumcised, it is assumed you understand that this is the down side (if you even view it as a downside) of the spiritual, national and Jewish significance attached to this procedure - which is the fulfillment of a commandment.
The pro: Baby bears the mark of the covenant established between God and Abraham, and all of the Jewish people, which established God as our only God, and we, the Jewish people, as His firstborn, the chosen people who have a mission on this earth to spread monotheism and ethics to as many people as we can.
Pros and Cons of #1 (Clamp)
Benefits include:
* Usually a bloodless circumcision.
* The mohel may not even need to use a bandage.
* If applied correctly, the glans is protected.
Cons:
* Usually a bloodless circumcision. (Blood is an essential element of the bris)
* Estimating the end of the foreskin along the shaft is inexact
* The FDA has issued severe warnings about the use of the clamp, as it could grasp and amputate the glans or the tip of the glans.
* The pain of the crushing of the foreskin is immense
* Once the clamping mechanism is applied, the estimation of the foreskin is irreversible. Even if one were to remove the clamp and then reapply it correctly before excising the skin, the skin tissue that remains would be dead, and would liekly either become the equivalent of a growth or fall off on its own.
* In order to achieve its desired effect, the clamp usually needs to be on for a significant amount of time - from 30 seconds to five or ten minutes. This is significantly longer than the next methods which take 3-4 seconds.
* Rabbinic approval is scant.
While Reform and Conservative mohels will often use this device, Orthodox mohels who use it usually do not have rabbinic dispensation to do so. Many will use it out of their own convenience (in other words, not because they have the baby's best interests in mind) so they need not come back and check the baby. This is not nice - every baby should be checked after the bris. No matter the method used.
Those who use it usually swear by it. I think they feel this way because of the lack of necessity to follow-up. But I may be wrong.
Pros and Cons of #2 (Shield)
Pros:
Quick procedure
* There is blood (necessary component of the bris)
* No chance of anything happening to the glans
* Until the actual incision is made, nothing is irreversible
Cons:
* Estimating the end of the foreskin along the shaft is inexact
* While the foreskin is not crushed, it is squeezed tightly for a few seconds.
The shield is an innovation which dates back at least four hundred years. It's purpose was (and remains) to protect the glans which is at great risk of being cut or amputated when a bris is done by anyone other than an extremely skilled operator. Like in the previous method, once the shield is in place, the actual removal of the foreskin - cutting along the shield, is the easiest part of the job.
Pros and Cons of #3 (Free-hand)
Pros:
* Quickest procedure
* Relatively painless
Cons:
* Estimating the end of the foreskin along the shaft is inexact
* There is no chance to second guess because the mohel never gives himself a chance to double check before excising the foreskin
* The possibility exists that the blade might cut the glans
* If done by anyone other than a skilled operator, the outcomes could be disastrous
The only people who still do brisses this way are some Chassidic Jews. While each person is entitled to have an opinion, those who do it this way are the most outspoken about - and against - any other form of circumcision.
THEREFORE
You may have noticed that the con that reads "Estimating the end of the foreskin along the shaft is inexact" was on every "con list." This is because many mohels were never taught to use a surgical pen to mark the edge of the foreskin before beginning the procedure. If the mohel's initial estimation is marked with a pen or marker, the "con" is removed from each list, as long as the mohel makes sure to cut along the mark.
I wrote about pain in the last few sections of this post. In simple terms, I think it is important to numb the area before the bris, but I think injections are not the way to go about doing it. There are topical methods out there that do just as good a job, and don't cause the baby pain from three "shots."
My Method
In addition to marking the end of the foreskin, I use Method #2 for a host of reasons. While I personally do not agree with methods #1 and #3, I believe that the bris is kosher if the operator is fit to be a mohel. I also think that parents should know what they are getting in to when hiring a mohel, and that the method which best suits your needs should be employed for your son.
When I circumcise, I aim to remove the foreskin and membrane at the same time, to minimize pain to the baby and the need to bother him too much. I always check the baby later, either a few hours after, the evening after, or the day after the bris. I wear gloves. I package all my instruments and bandages and sterilize everything in an autoclave machine - unless it is sterile in its packaging, e.g. gloves and drapes.
I hope this has been helpful to you. As always, feel free to contact me by email with any questions, or call me
* Rabbinic approval is scant.
While Reform and Conservative mohels will often use this device, Orthodox mohels who use it usually do not have rabbinic dispensation to do so. Many will use it out of their own convenience (in other words, not because they have the baby's best interests in mind) so they need not come back and check the baby. This is not nice - every baby should be checked after the bris. No matter the method used.
Those who use it usually swear by it. I think they feel this way because of the lack of necessity to follow-up. But I may be wrong.
Pros and Cons of #2 (Shield)
Pros:
Quick procedure
* There is blood (necessary component of the bris)
* No chance of anything happening to the glans
* Until the actual incision is made, nothing is irreversible
Cons:
* Estimating the end of the foreskin along the shaft is inexact
* While the foreskin is not crushed, it is squeezed tightly for a few seconds.
The shield is an innovation which dates back at least four hundred years. It's purpose was (and remains) to protect the glans which is at great risk of being cut or amputated when a bris is done by anyone other than an extremely skilled operator. Like in the previous method, once the shield is in place, the actual removal of the foreskin - cutting along the shield, is the easiest part of the job.
Pros and Cons of #3 (Free-hand)
Pros:
* Quickest procedure
* Relatively painless
Cons:
* Estimating the end of the foreskin along the shaft is inexact
* There is no chance to second guess because the mohel never gives himself a chance to double check before excising the foreskin
* The possibility exists that the blade might cut the glans
* If done by anyone other than a skilled operator, the outcomes could be disastrous
The only people who still do brisses this way are some Chassidic Jews. While each person is entitled to have an opinion, those who do it this way are the most outspoken about - and against - any other form of circumcision.
THEREFORE
You may have noticed that the con that reads "Estimating the end of the foreskin along the shaft is inexact" was on every "con list." This is because many mohels were never taught to use a surgical pen to mark the edge of the foreskin before beginning the procedure. If the mohel's initial estimation is marked with a pen or marker, the "con" is removed from each list, as long as the mohel makes sure to cut along the mark.
I wrote about pain in the last few sections of this post. In simple terms, I think it is important to numb the area before the bris, but I think injections are not the way to go about doing it. There are topical methods out there that do just as good a job, and don't cause the baby pain from three "shots."
My Method
In addition to marking the end of the foreskin, I use Method #2 for a host of reasons. While I personally do not agree with methods #1 and #3, I believe that the bris is kosher if the operator is fit to be a mohel. I also think that parents should know what they are getting in to when hiring a mohel, and that the method which best suits your needs should be employed for your son.
When I circumcise, I aim to remove the foreskin and membrane at the same time, to minimize pain to the baby and the need to bother him too much. I always check the baby later, either a few hours after, the evening after, or the day after the bris. I wear gloves. I package all my instruments and bandages and sterilize everything in an autoclave machine - unless it is sterile in its packaging, e.g. gloves and drapes.
I hope this has been helpful to you. As always, feel free to contact me by email with any questions, or call me
Friday, November 27, 2009
Putting Your Mind At Ease
When a new baby arrives, there is so much to do.
Take care of older siblings, take care of mommy, take care of new baby.
If there's a Shalom Zachar: arrange the logistics of the Friday night party, tables and chairs, food and drinks, who will speak, and (if it's being done out of the house) arranging the location.
In the week leading up to the bris: the location needs to be booked, the caterer or food needs to be arranged, and the mohel needs to be called.
Many people are blessed to have family and friends take care of many of these things. Even calling the mohel can be done by someone other than the parents (though it's a good idea for everyone to know who is arranging the mohel so only one is hired).
Most of the things that need to be done can be done per your style, based exactly on what you want.
When it comes to the actual circumcision, however, most people do not know enough about the field to know there are differences in the way mohels may operate or work, in terms of technical procedural details.
I try very hard to give the baby's parents the forum to have the bris "how you want."
So whether you want a meaningful ceremony, a quick procedure, interactive with crowd participation, more of a show, or just a simple, dignified bris, give me a call! Let's talk about what fits your needs, and make the bris out to be all that you wish for yourselves, your baby, and this moment in your lives.
Mazal tov!
Take care of older siblings, take care of mommy, take care of new baby.
If there's a Shalom Zachar: arrange the logistics of the Friday night party, tables and chairs, food and drinks, who will speak, and (if it's being done out of the house) arranging the location.
In the week leading up to the bris: the location needs to be booked, the caterer or food needs to be arranged, and the mohel needs to be called.
Many people are blessed to have family and friends take care of many of these things. Even calling the mohel can be done by someone other than the parents (though it's a good idea for everyone to know who is arranging the mohel so only one is hired).
Most of the things that need to be done can be done per your style, based exactly on what you want.
When it comes to the actual circumcision, however, most people do not know enough about the field to know there are differences in the way mohels may operate or work, in terms of technical procedural details.
I try very hard to give the baby's parents the forum to have the bris "how you want."
So whether you want a meaningful ceremony, a quick procedure, interactive with crowd participation, more of a show, or just a simple, dignified bris, give me a call! Let's talk about what fits your needs, and make the bris out to be all that you wish for yourselves, your baby, and this moment in your lives.
Mazal tov!
Thursday, November 19, 2009
A Note on Jews, Religion and Observance
According to the oldest understanding of Jewish law, a person is a Jew either through having being born to a Jewish mother, or through undergoing a rigorous, intense conversion. (Please Note - conversion in general is a hotbed for all kinds of issues which cross the borderline of politics. I generally try to avoid dealing with it as I am not an expert in the laws of conversion.)
Every mohel, when asked to perform a bris, will ascertain that the mother of the baby is Jewish either by birth or through an acceptable conversion process (unfortunately, some conversion programs are not very serious in their instruction or demands on observance of the Torah's laws). This would automatically make the baby born to her Jewish, and fit to have a bris in its proper time.
The mohel will not ask about personal observance or religiosity, because it is irrelevant to his job (unless he is thinking of grabbing a bagel or danish to go, in which case he may want to know if the food is kosher.)
When the mother or baby is a convert, or planning conversion, some mohels deal with this regularly, while some shy away from it unless they work with the first hand guidance of a rabbi who will help them through the steps of the conversion process.
The main thing to do is have an open conversation with the mohel. Recognize where he is coming from, where you are coming from, and understand that the mohel knows as well as you know, that this is a sensitive issue.
And if the mohel can't take the job for personal reasons, don't take it personally. He has personal and religious standards regarding whose Jewish status is unquestioned in Halakha (Jewish law), and therefore which babies he can circumcise in a bris ceremony.
He typically does not mean to offend you. You just might need a different kind of mohel who is not Orthodox.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
The Right to Choose
I later wrote a Part II to this
You're a young parent. You are about to have your first son (or your second, or your third, etc). You know you're going to be making a bris. You'd like to do research and hire the person you want to do the job. Then mom or dad call and say "Use our friend. He was good enough for you back then." You're thinking, "I don't want a guy who is old enough to be my parent (or grandparent). I want someone who can relate to my experience." Not that the person being recommended is not a good mohel. But your needs are different. [Of course I am not suggesting a mohel should be judged by his age. You should get the right mohel for what you need]
He's your baby. You have the right to choose.
Getting Ahead Means Constant Education - Static is a Formula for Mediocrity
In order to get to the top of one's field, every professional has an obligation to continue one's education. As one mohel put it to me after I had observed him work, "Please tell me what I am doing wrong. I am always learning." Mind you, this man has been a mohel for over 25 years. So I admire him for being able to say this, even though he certainly didn't need any comments of mine.
When you're put on the spot like that, it is hard to be honest. Especially when you don't really know the guy.
So I told him, "Here are the things I would have done differently. I would wear sterile gloves (as opposed to your method of wearing no gloves and using your bare hands). I would have a wastebasket under the table."
What I did not say was, "I would make sure the wine and all materials are there before I begin. I would know who all the key players are (i.e. who is the father, and who are the grandparents) before I begin the ceremony. And I would not delay the start of the ceremony twenty minutes because I am not ready."
I once mentioned to my father that a person who had been reading the megillah on Purim for thirty years must really know it well. My father said, "Yes. Except he's been making the same mistakes for thirty years."
The World of Competition or 'Why Settle for Mediocrity?'It is amazing to me that people settle for mediocrity just because that is what they are used to.
Imagine this scene: There is one kosher restaurant in town. The food is OK (not great), the service is borderline (leaning towards lousy), and the prices are a little higher than reasonable (bordering on ridiculous). You go there only because you don't know anything else, and because you like to eat out every once in a while, but mostly because there are no other options
But don't you think you'd be checking circulars, ads, newspapers, yellow pages, the internet to see if a different kosher restaurant is opening? Let's say this mediocre restaurant is "all you ever knew." Can't you imagine that a different option might be an improvement? Especially if it is looking to compete with what has been, until now, the "only show in town?"
That is a depiction of restaurants.
Why I Prefer to Promote the Finer Qualities of A New Age Mohel
When I was a younger (not as busy) mohel, a friend of mine once said to me in commiseration "Does it really matter if a sixty year old [makes the cut] or if you do it?" His point was that the cosmetic result will be the same. The sixty+ year old in question (a certain mohel in NY), has a reputation and an endless supply of clients. Does it really matter to a young family if they get the thirty year veteran or the (then) five year veteran? All they want is for the bris to go well and for the baby to heal nicely!
Not really.
The New Age Mohel is in tune to modern sensitivities and sensibilities. He uses the most up to date methods of sterilization. He is neat and polished He is extremely aware of the clients he serves, their particular needs, and the needs of their guests who join in their celebration.
And he knows what new parents really want to get out of the bris experience.
What Do Parents Really Want?
New parents want to be treated with dignity and respect. They want the mohel to give them the time of day. They want a person who will sit with them and talk to them, and address their concerns. They want a person who will explain to them the process, who will raise and discuss important issues, who will give them the information they need to feel most comfortable with the process of the bris. They want a mohel who will help guide them and show them different options, to help them understand and find what they want.
They want to see that the mohel practices with a sterile technique. They want to see that he works in a clean space. They want to see that he treats their baby gently. They want to see that they and their baby are not just a number - that they are treated like human beings, like parents who have just had the amazing experience of birth, and who want to have an equally meaningful experience with the bris.
They want follow up. They want the mohel to visit the baby after the bris. To see that everything is OK. To give clear instructions. To call. To be in touch. To care.
See here for a list of good questions to ask a mohel
WARNINGS
Too many people go into the bris experience with too little information. You would never choose a surgeon for yourself without doing research: why pick a mohel for your newborn without doing research?
The bad stories and experiences are usually swept under the rug.
People are embarrassed to talk about their son's penis and his bris.I have heard the following statements from (too many) people who did no research before hiring someone for their son's bris. No one is perfect. But these statements should never have to be said after your son's bris.
THESE ARE ACTUAL QUOTES FROM PEOPLE I HAVE MET, WHO TOLD ME THE STORY OF THEIR EXPERIENCE AFTER LEARNING I AM A MOHEL (WHO DOES THINGS VERY DIFFERENTLY THAN THESE COMMENTS INDICATE ABOUT OTHERS' BRIS EXPERIENCES)
"The diaper was a mess after the bris."
"The mohel did not give us clear instructions."
"There was a bleeding problem."
"The baby got an infection from the bris." [THIS SHOULD NEVER HAPPEN]
"The mohel was not in touch."
"The mohel did not practice good personal hygiene, or in the way he conducted the bris."
"The mohel told us how to take off the bandage, and instructed us over the phone."
"The mohel was insensitive to our needs."
"I wish I had done more research."
"I wish I had even explored other options."
Feel free to contact me if you have any questions.
You're a young parent. You are about to have your first son (or your second, or your third, etc). You know you're going to be making a bris. You'd like to do research and hire the person you want to do the job. Then mom or dad call and say "Use our friend. He was good enough for you back then." You're thinking, "I don't want a guy who is old enough to be my parent (or grandparent). I want someone who can relate to my experience." Not that the person being recommended is not a good mohel. But your needs are different. [Of course I am not suggesting a mohel should be judged by his age. You should get the right mohel for what you need]
He's your baby. You have the right to choose.
Getting Ahead Means Constant Education - Static is a Formula for Mediocrity
In order to get to the top of one's field, every professional has an obligation to continue one's education. As one mohel put it to me after I had observed him work, "Please tell me what I am doing wrong. I am always learning." Mind you, this man has been a mohel for over 25 years. So I admire him for being able to say this, even though he certainly didn't need any comments of mine.
When you're put on the spot like that, it is hard to be honest. Especially when you don't really know the guy.
So I told him, "Here are the things I would have done differently. I would wear sterile gloves (as opposed to your method of wearing no gloves and using your bare hands). I would have a wastebasket under the table."
What I did not say was, "I would make sure the wine and all materials are there before I begin. I would know who all the key players are (i.e. who is the father, and who are the grandparents) before I begin the ceremony. And I would not delay the start of the ceremony twenty minutes because I am not ready."
I once mentioned to my father that a person who had been reading the megillah on Purim for thirty years must really know it well. My father said, "Yes. Except he's been making the same mistakes for thirty years."
The World of Competition or 'Why Settle for Mediocrity?'It is amazing to me that people settle for mediocrity just because that is what they are used to.
Imagine this scene: There is one kosher restaurant in town. The food is OK (not great), the service is borderline (leaning towards lousy), and the prices are a little higher than reasonable (bordering on ridiculous). You go there only because you don't know anything else, and because you like to eat out every once in a while, but mostly because there are no other options
But don't you think you'd be checking circulars, ads, newspapers, yellow pages, the internet to see if a different kosher restaurant is opening? Let's say this mediocre restaurant is "all you ever knew." Can't you imagine that a different option might be an improvement? Especially if it is looking to compete with what has been, until now, the "only show in town?"
That is a depiction of restaurants.
Why I Prefer to Promote the Finer Qualities of A New Age Mohel
When I was a younger (not as busy) mohel, a friend of mine once said to me in commiseration "Does it really matter if a sixty year old [makes the cut] or if you do it?" His point was that the cosmetic result will be the same. The sixty+ year old in question (a certain mohel in NY), has a reputation and an endless supply of clients. Does it really matter to a young family if they get the thirty year veteran or the (then) five year veteran? All they want is for the bris to go well and for the baby to heal nicely!
Not really.
The New Age Mohel is in tune to modern sensitivities and sensibilities. He uses the most up to date methods of sterilization. He is neat and polished He is extremely aware of the clients he serves, their particular needs, and the needs of their guests who join in their celebration.
And he knows what new parents really want to get out of the bris experience.
What Do Parents Really Want?
New parents want to be treated with dignity and respect. They want the mohel to give them the time of day. They want a person who will sit with them and talk to them, and address their concerns. They want a person who will explain to them the process, who will raise and discuss important issues, who will give them the information they need to feel most comfortable with the process of the bris. They want a mohel who will help guide them and show them different options, to help them understand and find what they want.
They want to see that the mohel practices with a sterile technique. They want to see that he works in a clean space. They want to see that he treats their baby gently. They want to see that they and their baby are not just a number - that they are treated like human beings, like parents who have just had the amazing experience of birth, and who want to have an equally meaningful experience with the bris.
They want follow up. They want the mohel to visit the baby after the bris. To see that everything is OK. To give clear instructions. To call. To be in touch. To care.
See here for a list of good questions to ask a mohel
WARNINGS
Too many people go into the bris experience with too little information. You would never choose a surgeon for yourself without doing research: why pick a mohel for your newborn without doing research?
The bad stories and experiences are usually swept under the rug.
People are embarrassed to talk about their son's penis and his bris.I have heard the following statements from (too many) people who did no research before hiring someone for their son's bris. No one is perfect. But these statements should never have to be said after your son's bris.
THESE ARE ACTUAL QUOTES FROM PEOPLE I HAVE MET, WHO TOLD ME THE STORY OF THEIR EXPERIENCE AFTER LEARNING I AM A MOHEL (WHO DOES THINGS VERY DIFFERENTLY THAN THESE COMMENTS INDICATE ABOUT OTHERS' BRIS EXPERIENCES)
"The diaper was a mess after the bris."
"The mohel did not give us clear instructions."
"There was a bleeding problem."
"The baby got an infection from the bris." [THIS SHOULD NEVER HAPPEN]
"The mohel was not in touch."
"The mohel did not practice good personal hygiene, or in the way he conducted the bris."
"The mohel told us how to take off the bandage, and instructed us over the phone."
"The mohel was insensitive to our needs."
"I wish I had done more research."
"I wish I had even explored other options."
Feel free to contact me if you have any questions.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Putting Parents At Ease - More Considerations
Over the weekend, I attended a presentation/discussion in which one person mentioned her impression that bris turns some people off from Judaism. Almost as an aside she said "They think it is barbaric."
It wasn't my forum, so I kept quiet. I have a lot to say on the subject, but it's for a different place. My blog, for example.
Firstly, I don't believe the bris turns people off from Judaism. It's a big world out there. People who are unhappy with Judaism will find any excuse they want.
As far as circumcision being barbaric, that statement is a hard sell in the United States when over 60% of the newborn male population is circumcised - either routinely with a clamp (with or without a local anesthetic), in the O.R. under general anesthesia, or as part of a religious or holistic ceremony - and until relatively recently, over 90% of the newborn male population of this country was circumcised.
The American Choice
In American culture, people have all kinds of reasons for circumcising their sons. I learned about this recently when our son was born, when my wife and I were handed a pamphlet about circumcision which boiled the choices down to two: "to circumcise or not to circumcise; that is the question."
They have a number of reasons why people may opt to circumcise.
* Medical suggestions that urinary tract infections, penile cancer, and other penile illnesses (including STDs) are less common and the penis is less susceptible when circumcised.
* It is easier to clean.
* Family - father and brothers are circumcised
* Cultural - everyone else does it
* Aesthetics - You like the circumcised "look" better than not.
* And, of course, religious reasons.
Reasons not to circumcise include:
* It is healthy tissue which guards a very sensitive area of the body
* No medical benefits if the child is taught how to clean under the foreskin
* Why subject a child to such surgery, which may be unnecessary?
The "barbaric" nature of circumcision is not raised, even if people may personally feel it to be such.
Why Jews Circumcise Their Sons
While the religious reason is most obvious, the best verbal explanation I have heard of late was in the documentary "Partly Private" - a film made by a secular Israeli woman living in NY, who was researching whether or not to circumcise her as-yet-unborn son (they had circumcised his older brother, but were displeased with the experience).
When a number of her Israeli friends gathered to be a sounding board for her deliberations, one of her friends who had become observant said, "If you are deliberating circumcision because you think it is 'barbaric' - you are right. Don't circumcise. But if you have faith in God and understand that this is what God asked of the Jewish people, as this is a mark of the covenant He forged with Abraham, then this is not barbaric. This is an act of love: for your child, for your people, for your God."
He is so right. The reason we circumcise is FAITH.
But it's still BARBARIC, Right?
It really depends on your perspective.
Most medical authorities who deal strictly from a medical perspective (in other words, who do not have an agenda), will argue the benefits versus the risks, the pros versus the cons. Very few will call it a barbaric procedure.
Most people who call it barbaric have an agenda, have an obsession, and find it hard to not think about how life (read "sex") would be different if the parents had not chosen to "make the cut" on them.
And they'll usually show a picture of a red, screaming baby to show the kind of pain a baby feels when undergoing a circumcision.
Before we continue, it is important to understand that there are different kinds of circumcision procedures, and all kinds of situations that can make a baby cry and scream bloody murder.
Setting the record straight
Babies cry. They scream. They can be in all kinds of discomfort. And sometimes there is not much we can do to ease their pain.
Babies who have blood tests, shots, raw diaper rashes, or sometimes just have colic may very well be inconsolable. Would you not have your baby have the necessary blood test or innoculation just so your baby won't ever cry?
Sometimes benefits outweigh the downsides. And sometimes not.
There are some who will argue that babies nerve endings are underdeveloped and so they don't feel the circumcision.
This is a lie.
Babies absolutely feel pain. But they only feel the pain to which they are subjected - and that, only if nothing is done to numb them from the pain. Which brings us to two points worthy of consideration when considering the difference between what is known as "routine circumcision" and a bris (A circ in an O.R. is a completely different story, because once the baby is under general anasthesia, all bets of pain and discomfort are off.)
SPEED OF PROCEDURE and NUMBING
Click this line to read the article in which it appears: "A mohel does not usually use anesthetic, because his anesthetic is the speed with which he does the circumcision. "
Most routine circumcisions are done elaborately, painstakingly, with a clamp that crushes the skin in order to achieve hemostasis. Since the skin is essentially dead when it is excised, there is usually no bleeding by the time the last skin is removed. Kudos.
Meanwhile, the baby has been in excruciating pain throughout the procedure (which usually takes between 5 and 20 minutes), unless the circumciser has used a penile block (3 injections around the circumference of the penis, along the lower base of the abdomen), to numb the area during the procedure.
3 injections = 3 shots. If your kid screams during one shot, imagine THREE, even if their outcome is a numbing. The shots themselves are painful!
A good mohel is usually done with the procedure, start to finish, in between 5 and 10 seconds. That's less time than it takes to administer the injections. Yes, there is usually a little more blood at a bris (only a little), but the drawing of blood is (like it or not) a necessity for the procedure according to Jewish law. The covenant was forged over blood. (If you like movies, you can see how a covenant is forged over blood in Kevin Costner's "Robin Hood" when he swears to avenge his father's murder in the first quarter of the film - I used to have a link to youtube here, but the video was taken down.)
NUMBING [See this posting - in which I revised what I wrote below - AB, 2012]
I happen to be a fan of numbing the foreskin, but not with injections. I prefer a topical analgesic with a dose of 30% lidocaine + 70% acid mantel cream base, to be applied to the penis at least a half hour before the bris. It doesn't hurt the baby at all in its application, and it does the same thing for the small amount of time it is helpful. Most of the discomfort at the bris comes from being handled, not from the pain of the bris (proof is that the baby usually stops crying once he is no longer being touched).
And even without it, the bris speed is, as mentioned above, its own form of anesthesia.
In Conclusion
If I were not Jewish, would I circumcise my son? Knowing what I know about circumcision, I probably would. My wife would probably not, just because she would not want to subject the baby to a painful experience - even a fleeting one.
As we are Jewish, we agree that we do it because the Torah commands it of us.
I don't think it is a barbaric custom, and I think those who do it properly have a tremendous sense of satisfaction that the baby is well and that the chapter of bris is behind them.
Consider the method and you have your answer. (Clamps, injections, drawn out, hospital v home, physician, resident, mohel, surgery v bris)
And hopefully, if you call me, you'll find what you're looking for in a mohel and you'll uncover the answers to more questions through our conversations.
It wasn't my forum, so I kept quiet. I have a lot to say on the subject, but it's for a different place. My blog, for example.
Firstly, I don't believe the bris turns people off from Judaism. It's a big world out there. People who are unhappy with Judaism will find any excuse they want.
As far as circumcision being barbaric, that statement is a hard sell in the United States when over 60% of the newborn male population is circumcised - either routinely with a clamp (with or without a local anesthetic), in the O.R. under general anesthesia, or as part of a religious or holistic ceremony - and until relatively recently, over 90% of the newborn male population of this country was circumcised.
The American Choice
In American culture, people have all kinds of reasons for circumcising their sons. I learned about this recently when our son was born, when my wife and I were handed a pamphlet about circumcision which boiled the choices down to two: "to circumcise or not to circumcise; that is the question."
They have a number of reasons why people may opt to circumcise.
* Medical suggestions that urinary tract infections, penile cancer, and other penile illnesses (including STDs) are less common and the penis is less susceptible when circumcised.
* It is easier to clean.
* Family - father and brothers are circumcised
* Cultural - everyone else does it
* Aesthetics - You like the circumcised "look" better than not.
* And, of course, religious reasons.
Reasons not to circumcise include:
* It is healthy tissue which guards a very sensitive area of the body
* No medical benefits if the child is taught how to clean under the foreskin
* Why subject a child to such surgery, which may be unnecessary?
The "barbaric" nature of circumcision is not raised, even if people may personally feel it to be such.
Why Jews Circumcise Their Sons
While the religious reason is most obvious, the best verbal explanation I have heard of late was in the documentary "Partly Private" - a film made by a secular Israeli woman living in NY, who was researching whether or not to circumcise her as-yet-unborn son (they had circumcised his older brother, but were displeased with the experience).
When a number of her Israeli friends gathered to be a sounding board for her deliberations, one of her friends who had become observant said, "If you are deliberating circumcision because you think it is 'barbaric' - you are right. Don't circumcise. But if you have faith in God and understand that this is what God asked of the Jewish people, as this is a mark of the covenant He forged with Abraham, then this is not barbaric. This is an act of love: for your child, for your people, for your God."
He is so right. The reason we circumcise is FAITH.
But it's still BARBARIC, Right?
It really depends on your perspective.
Most medical authorities who deal strictly from a medical perspective (in other words, who do not have an agenda), will argue the benefits versus the risks, the pros versus the cons. Very few will call it a barbaric procedure.
Most people who call it barbaric have an agenda, have an obsession, and find it hard to not think about how life (read "sex") would be different if the parents had not chosen to "make the cut" on them.
And they'll usually show a picture of a red, screaming baby to show the kind of pain a baby feels when undergoing a circumcision.
Before we continue, it is important to understand that there are different kinds of circumcision procedures, and all kinds of situations that can make a baby cry and scream bloody murder.
Setting the record straight
Babies cry. They scream. They can be in all kinds of discomfort. And sometimes there is not much we can do to ease their pain.
Babies who have blood tests, shots, raw diaper rashes, or sometimes just have colic may very well be inconsolable. Would you not have your baby have the necessary blood test or innoculation just so your baby won't ever cry?
Sometimes benefits outweigh the downsides. And sometimes not.
There are some who will argue that babies nerve endings are underdeveloped and so they don't feel the circumcision.
This is a lie.
Babies absolutely feel pain. But they only feel the pain to which they are subjected - and that, only if nothing is done to numb them from the pain. Which brings us to two points worthy of consideration when considering the difference between what is known as "routine circumcision" and a bris (A circ in an O.R. is a completely different story, because once the baby is under general anasthesia, all bets of pain and discomfort are off.)
SPEED OF PROCEDURE and NUMBING
Click this line to read the article in which it appears: "A mohel does not usually use anesthetic, because his anesthetic is the speed with which he does the circumcision. "
Most routine circumcisions are done elaborately, painstakingly, with a clamp that crushes the skin in order to achieve hemostasis. Since the skin is essentially dead when it is excised, there is usually no bleeding by the time the last skin is removed. Kudos.
Meanwhile, the baby has been in excruciating pain throughout the procedure (which usually takes between 5 and 20 minutes), unless the circumciser has used a penile block (3 injections around the circumference of the penis, along the lower base of the abdomen), to numb the area during the procedure.
3 injections = 3 shots. If your kid screams during one shot, imagine THREE, even if their outcome is a numbing. The shots themselves are painful!
A good mohel is usually done with the procedure, start to finish, in between 5 and 10 seconds. That's less time than it takes to administer the injections. Yes, there is usually a little more blood at a bris (only a little), but the drawing of blood is (like it or not) a necessity for the procedure according to Jewish law. The covenant was forged over blood. (If you like movies, you can see how a covenant is forged over blood in Kevin Costner's "Robin Hood" when he swears to avenge his father's murder in the first quarter of the film - I used to have a link to youtube here, but the video was taken down.)
NUMBING [See this posting - in which I revised what I wrote below - AB, 2012]
I happen to be a fan of numbing the foreskin, but not with injections. I prefer a topical analgesic with a dose of 30% lidocaine + 70% acid mantel cream base, to be applied to the penis at least a half hour before the bris. It doesn't hurt the baby at all in its application, and it does the same thing for the small amount of time it is helpful. Most of the discomfort at the bris comes from being handled, not from the pain of the bris (proof is that the baby usually stops crying once he is no longer being touched).
And even without it, the bris speed is, as mentioned above, its own form of anesthesia.
In Conclusion
If I were not Jewish, would I circumcise my son? Knowing what I know about circumcision, I probably would. My wife would probably not, just because she would not want to subject the baby to a painful experience - even a fleeting one.
As we are Jewish, we agree that we do it because the Torah commands it of us.
I don't think it is a barbaric custom, and I think those who do it properly have a tremendous sense of satisfaction that the baby is well and that the chapter of bris is behind them.
Consider the method and you have your answer. (Clamps, injections, drawn out, hospital v home, physician, resident, mohel, surgery v bris)
And hopefully, if you call me, you'll find what you're looking for in a mohel and you'll uncover the answers to more questions through our conversations.
Monday, November 2, 2009
When The Mohel's Wife Gives Birth to a Boy
My wife gave birth to a little boy on Shabbos morning! Really!
We are so excited and so blessed.
When our oldest was born, a girl, people asked me if I was disappointed. Of course I wasn't disappointed. (In the fifty percent chance of the child being a boy, I was excited about the prospect of a bris until the doctor said "It's a girl," and she was (and is) beautiful, healthy, and the joy of our lives.) Becoming a father is one of the most altering moments in a man's life. Any remaining ego in one's marriage disappears as your life becomes one of complete focus on doing everything for the sake of the child.
At the same time, I called my mohel teacher, Rabbi Sasson, to tell him my wife gave birth to a girl and he said, ".תמיד זה כחה. למוהלים נולדות בנות" - "It's always that way. Mohels always have daughters."
Two Things Everyone is Saying
1. Everyone's a comedian. "I can recommend a good mohel." "Who's going to be doing the bris?" "Have you called the mohel yet?" "We had a great experience with so-and-so. You might want to call him." "I guess we all know who the mohel is!"
Do people make such a fuss over the identity of the mohel before their other friends' brisses?
2. Many people ask: "Will you be doing the bris yourself?" I don't know what the source of this question is... unless people are thinking that doctors don't operate on their kids or immediate family.
To answer the question - Yes. I will be doing the bris.
The Ideal Mitzvah of Bris
The reason I will be doing the bris is because that is the ideal mitzvah. Every father is supposed to do the bris himself. (Genesis 17:10-12: It's worth reading the whole chapter) But since most fathers are not trained to do it, it is much safer to have a mohel do it.
In this case, since the father is a mohel, the father will do the bris.
The first baby to be circumcised in the Jewish tradition was Yitzchak, who was circumcised by his father Abraham on the eighth day of his life. (See chapter 21, verse 4)
In an ironic twist, our son was born on the day we read the Torah portion describing the origin of the covenant - the Bris Milah (Genesis 17), and his bris will, please God, take place on the morning when we read the Torah portion describing the birth and bris of Yitzchak.
Pretty cool, no?
A number of years ago, my wife wrote an article about being the mohel's wife, and her impressions of anticipating the birth of our first child.
Now we will joyfully bring our son through this reaffirmation of our commitment to the covenant, as we continue to celebrate his arrival and the joy he brings to us, our family, our friends, our community, and the collective nation of Israel.
We are so excited and so blessed.
When our oldest was born, a girl, people asked me if I was disappointed. Of course I wasn't disappointed. (In the fifty percent chance of the child being a boy, I was excited about the prospect of a bris until the doctor said "It's a girl," and she was (and is) beautiful, healthy, and the joy of our lives.) Becoming a father is one of the most altering moments in a man's life. Any remaining ego in one's marriage disappears as your life becomes one of complete focus on doing everything for the sake of the child.
At the same time, I called my mohel teacher, Rabbi Sasson, to tell him my wife gave birth to a girl and he said, ".תמיד זה כחה. למוהלים נולדות בנות" - "It's always that way. Mohels always have daughters."
Two Things Everyone is Saying
1. Everyone's a comedian. "I can recommend a good mohel." "Who's going to be doing the bris?" "Have you called the mohel yet?" "We had a great experience with so-and-so. You might want to call him." "I guess we all know who the mohel is!"
Do people make such a fuss over the identity of the mohel before their other friends' brisses?
2. Many people ask: "Will you be doing the bris yourself?" I don't know what the source of this question is... unless people are thinking that doctors don't operate on their kids or immediate family.
To answer the question - Yes. I will be doing the bris.
The Ideal Mitzvah of Bris
The reason I will be doing the bris is because that is the ideal mitzvah. Every father is supposed to do the bris himself. (Genesis 17:10-12: It's worth reading the whole chapter) But since most fathers are not trained to do it, it is much safer to have a mohel do it.
In this case, since the father is a mohel, the father will do the bris.
The first baby to be circumcised in the Jewish tradition was Yitzchak, who was circumcised by his father Abraham on the eighth day of his life. (See chapter 21, verse 4)
In an ironic twist, our son was born on the day we read the Torah portion describing the origin of the covenant - the Bris Milah (Genesis 17), and his bris will, please God, take place on the morning when we read the Torah portion describing the birth and bris of Yitzchak.
Pretty cool, no?
A number of years ago, my wife wrote an article about being the mohel's wife, and her impressions of anticipating the birth of our first child.
Now we will joyfully bring our son through this reaffirmation of our commitment to the covenant, as we continue to celebrate his arrival and the joy he brings to us, our family, our friends, our community, and the collective nation of Israel.
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